It’s pretty obvious to say… the flow of love feels great and facing into fears do not. Is fear holding me back from giving the love I want to give? How do I want to live into the purpose of my love’s greatest offering for the rest of my life? We can’t predict the future and never know what’s coming next. When I decided I was going to stop living according to societal rules, my family and my parents, there wasn’t much left for me to go by because I’ve became so used to living to which I’ve absorbed from my past, and that’s when everything dissolved… and I wondered, “now what? what am I going to do next”?
I have experienced what it looks like to have all the best laid plans get diverted without any permission from me. In the contraction that comes along with not accepting what is happening in the moment, I create my own misery. I know I need to let the reality of the present moment live through me. But, how, when it seems so painful at times? I cannot distract myself from the pain of the moment thinking it is not what I want it to be. I need to allow my contracted, hurt and painful feelings to penetrate me and not allow myself to be distracted from the moment as it is. I know if I can eliminate the distractions and stay in my pain of the current moment and not knowing what the next moment will be, I know things will crack open for me. Damn, that can be so hard.
And there’s more… Am I locating myself in the present moment and therefore manifesting love? Because that is the only place where love can live, in the present moment. Or, am I holding back from giving love because I’m lost in some future thought? What can I do that will help me open the moment to love? Am I waiting for a future moment to happen before I am willing to feel being totally loved and to give my love?
How deeply I can enjoy my existence in the moment when I am so called “waiting” for another “thing” to happen is directly related to how well I enjoy the relationship with myself and others during that waiting period. Get it? (Damn, it took some struggle in me to get this thing into words. So painful it is to write sometimes.)
If I am waiting for something else to happen or for something to be different, nothing ever can save me from my own negative thinking. If I’m in a moment that is not particularly great, love-wise, sometimes I find myself thinking… what if I had someone different or purpose myself in some different environment or situation… for sure something better would happen in the future. Feeling that the depth of love could be deeper or better, and projecting into the future is only a reflection of how I am postponing giving the depth of love in the present moment. Walking around waiting for the next “better” moment creates a lack of presence (or consciousness) because I am not here and now in my body and mind and holding back the love I have to give in that very moment.
Relationships are being sabotaged and so is my happiness by waiting and holding back from giving love, when I allow my fears to develop thoughts that a future moment will be better. By holding onto hopes that something different will happen in the future I am creating tension and drama. We just love the tension and the drama, don’t we? (Look at all the reality TV out there) We all do this, wanting more love and to have better things happen for the future.
Why not just be with, trust and accept the present moment for what it is and offer the greatest gift of all… our love?
Here’s to living in the moment!
Happy Valentines Day 2019!
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