It’s a new moon… night of darkness. A reminder of what might be working astrologically speaking…
The Aquarius New Moon cycle ends and the Pisces New Moon cycle begins. The New Moon in Pisces is a good time to commit to personal goals that express the positive energies of the sign of the Fish. These include taking a leap of faith, accepting imperfections in ourselves and in others as a different kind of “perfection,” starting a project that requires imagination and visualization skills, consciously putting time aside for peaceful and rejuvenating activities, and sharing a dream with another. With this potent Pisces energy, we have the chance to make important changes in our lives.
This New Moon is especially creative and imaginative with its conjunction to Neptune, square to Jupiter, and sextile to Mars. We are likely to feel very inspired, and this New Moon can motivate us to take a leap of faith, but we also check in with reality with Saturn’s sextile to the lunation. It also occurs shortly after Mercury stationed and turned retrograde and Uranus entered Taurus, and some instability or lack of clear judgment is likely now.
This phase of the Moon occurs at 15 degrees and 47 minutes of Pisces, affecting people born with personal planets and points at approximately 12 to 20 degrees of the Mutable signs (Gemini, Virgo, Sagittarius, and Pisces) most significantly.
From one bliss after another, huh Faye? ???? Oh man, do I want to be in that mind set at the moment and write all about how blissful I am and how absolutely fantastic this entire journey is. Here I sit on this gorgeous island in Cambodia and forced to deal with myself to find a more peaceful state of mind, so I thought I’d write about it… to get the bitterness and negativity out of me and also try to use some of the dharma I’ve learned and hope to practice, on myself. I am not looking for any sympathy or any “I’m sorry” that you have to deal with this kind of thing. I’m using this venue to let go of any of my own self-created torment that I put upon myself (it cannot come from anyone else) and find a place of relaxation into what is altogether.
After spending three weeks in Siem Reap and Phnom Penh I wanted to fulfill a desire to go sit on some pristine and mostly untouched beach with white sands and turquoise waters that I thought I would be able to accomplish in Thailand. I decided on the island of Koh Rong Samloem in Cambodia and to stay at the Jungle Bay Eco-Lodge. I was drawn to this island because I heard it’s only been about the last ten years that they have been developing and building on this island. And because the bungalows are built on the ocean was something I always wanted to experience.
Up to this point I seem to have done pretty good with acceptance of what is when it comes to traveling to foreign countries, dealing with the survival/scarcity consciousness of some people in poor cultures and with some of my accommodation issues. When I was in Siem Reap I had a wonderful experience staying at a gorgeous villa with kind and generous hosts. When I went to Phnom Penh I stayed at a place in a fabulous central location, but the mattress needed to be replaced, I don’t think the floor has been cleaned in weeks… and I was getting caught between the host/owner of the building and his tenants who were somehow taking on some hosting responsibilities. ONWARD to the next…
I was so excited to get out of the city and come to an island that I heard was under developed and live in a hut on top of the ocean. Sounds wonderful, right? Firstly, I have been making decisions on my Airbnb stays based on the properties having “super-hosts”, people that have gotten stellar reviews from people that stay there. After doing research on Koh Rong Samloem on Airbnb and other booking sites, there were mixed reviews for a lot of the properties here and I didn’t want to spend a lot of money.
I went against what I’ve normally done for Airbnb. I chose a property that did not have a superhost, but it had mostly good reviews. I had a decent initial first communication with someone who also told me that they would welcome me to play in the kitchen and for my input considering this is only their second season in operation. So, I decided to book the place for a week. After that, it’s been going downhill… the host on Airbnb stopped communicating with me in email messaging and as it turns out, is not physically on the property. After being told I was going to be picked up at the ferry dock, I was left hanging there, they did not answer their phone when I called, and I decided to walk the 20 minutes through the beach and the jungle to the lodge. Not a good first impression. After spending one evening helping out in the kitchen which seemed to go fine, I was told by one of the volunteer workers that it would no longer be possible for me to be in the kitchen. I think it’s just a personality conflict.
Here I sit on my second full day on this gorgeous island and I’m going to allow myself to feel bitchy and irritated? It sounds completely stupid and even reading my own writing about it and looking at myself in these words seems even more ridiculous. There is a sore spot/wound within me that is being rubbed the wrong way and hurts after all of this. This open wound is very inconvenient and problematic now. I don’t like it. I want to be tough, to fight, to come out strong, so I don’t feel I have to defend any aspect of myself. I would like to attack the people running this lodging facility right now, single-handedly. I would lay my guilt trips on everybody completely and properly, so that I do not hide any of my hurt. That way, if somebody decides to attack me back, I am not wounded. And hopefully, I won’t get hit on that same sore spot, that I got hit on in the first place.
Yet I truly believe that our basic human makeup… the basic constituents of our human mind, is based on goodness, kindness, passion and compassion… all at the same time. But, however confused I might temporarily be right now, however much of a cosmic monster I might become, there is still an open wound or sore spot in me… always… no matter how much work I may have done in group or individual therapy or publicly at retreat centers. I continue to be vulnerable and accessible and I’m not covered in a suit of armor. And here I am sitting in it all. Fantastically Wonderful… right? UGH!
I’m determined NOT to sit here and be irritated by what is happening and out of my control and feel sorry for myself. It’s not really about the circumstances, is it now?!?! So, then what? Wat To Do? I need to remember some of my own medicine.
One of the practices in the Buddhist tradition (Buddhadharma) is to regard anything that happens as a phantom or a dream. That nothing ever really happens. It means that whatever life experiences happen—pain, pleasure, happiness, sadness, grossness, refinement, sophistication, crudeness, heat, cold, or whatever—is purely from our memory. What is perceived is a product of the mind that uses the bodies senses to create perceptions.
There is this other teaching/dharma I recall from vipassana, meaning “awareness”, that helps support this idea that everything happens is a dream. When reflecting on the breath during meditation, suddenly meandering thoughts begin to arise: the mind begins to see, hear and feel things. But all those perceptions are none other than my own mental creation. In the same way I need to see that my irritation for what’s going on at Jungle Bay Eco-Lodge, the missing I experience for my friends, my attitude towards the Cambodian bank for dispensing me counterfeit money, how I want to experience cultural cuisine during my travels, are all a part of my discursive thought process that my mind is so good at.
The vipassana practice is about awareness of the breath and the body. The practice coupled with that is about mindfulness (shamatha). Joining these two covers most of our entire existence, behavior patterns and daily life. This is where meditation and post meditation practice meet. Where mindfulness and awareness happen simultaneously, all at the same time. Where a sense of friendliness to everything is developed.
Sitting here on the beach appreciating the beauty of the island I’m surrounded in, while dealing with my open wound and perceived negativity that my mind is bringing to me. I am being harshed and gentled all at the same time. I COULD have a tender heart in this situation and offer a heart that does not ask for anything in return. It’s obvious that I stepped on someone’s toes. I do not have to get on my high horse and get all sensitive about it.
Can I try to feel better towards the people at the bank who gave me counterfeit money and to the people at the lodge I’m staying? Can I try to extend that sense of gentleness, goodwill and gratitude in attempt to make myself soft and reasonable?
I’m still learning and practicing…
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- How to be open and accepting
- How to love in the face of being my own cosmic monster
- Realizing that others can actually be more important than me
- Practicing compassionate communication
- Being without expectations
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These are some of the hardest things of all for me to learn. (This writing has helped immensely.)
Everything that is happening is a dream that I am making up in my own mental creation. I am creating my own reality at every moment. Only I am the only one responsible for how I feel. There is nothing standing in the way for me to choose peace and love. Why do we make things so complicated sometimes when they should be so easy?
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