Virtuosity of Happiness

The Different Facets of Happiness

The tour of Thailand I am on now is different than the last times I have been here. Looking with the eyes of retirement and the next chapter of my life. I get asked the question “Why do you want to move to Thailand?” a lot! In Thailand, people are generally kind, hospitable and greet you with a smile. The dollar will go much further in SE Asia. Life in Amerikkkah has gotten to be too much for me… with the USA being the leader of capitalism, consumerism, and materialism. I am aware the world has become a capitalist world, even here in Thailand.

The expression, “Wherever you go, there you are”, has not left my mindset at all. My friend told me they want to be able to cultivate the ability to be happy wherever they live. Isn’t that the life we all crave no matter the circumstances? People will be people wherever you go in the world. Then the conversation about gun violence and terrorism comes up. I was able to take a car tour on top of Khun Dan Prakan Chon Dam. This was a major project to deliver water across the province to benefit all the people there… The concrete structure is approximately 3km long. NEVER… would that be possible at the Hoover Dam in Amerikkkah because people would be so afraid of some terrorist car bomb going off. The only way you can get close to Hoover Dam is through a guided walking tour.

The Buddha & Happiness

Living in a Buddhist country is a wonderful thing. Buddha, all the temples and Buddhas teachings of the four noble truths and the eight precepts are everywhere. They are even taught to the children in the public schools by the monks who are well versed on the dharma so the children can develop a sense of their own well-being. It’s awesome! I was a lucky recipient to get a tour of the Ministry of Education in Bangkok, Thailand.

A central principle of Buddhism is that we are not helpless victims of unchangeable emotions. In the words of Buddha himself, “We are what we think. All that we are arises with our thoughts. With our thoughts we make the world.” Buddhism is associated with happiness. According to Buddhist thinking, happiness and sorrow are our own responsibility – and completely within our control. “If we train our mind properly, happiness will be the result.” … It seems like quite the claim – that mental training can make you happy, no matter what happens to you.

The Buddha teaches that one of the most beneficial aspects to cultivating happiness is our mental noticing and awareness. Making the effort in observing the perceptions as they do appear. This direct insight into reality, obtained by the focusing our attention is called “vipassanā“. Vipassanā therefore means ‘to see clearly’ or rather ‘to see things as they are’. Vipassanā meditation is translated as ‘insight meditation’… insight into the true nature of things. This is the mental training that Buddhists believe will cultivate happiness. I have experienced it firsthand myself.

Western Psychology

In western philosophy, psychologists suggest challenging negative thoughts and replacing them with more optimistic and happy ones. Buddhist philosophy focuses more on detaching yourself from all thoughts to create a state of stillness conducive to ultimate self-understanding, or enlightenment… with the key method of achieving this being meditation. This usually involves fixing our attention on a body part, the breath, a mantra or an inspirational picture – to arrive at a state where we are not distracted by our thoughts.

“If we train our mind properly, happiness will be the result.” … It seems like quite the claim Buddha made – that mental mind training can make us happy, no matter what happens. This idea is also in line with some current thinking in western psychology. A simple philosophy – that changing the way we think can change the way we feel – it’s the basis of Cognitive Behavior Therapy (CBT), an approach in clinical psychology and counselling, as well as stress management programs. It was originally developed to help people recover from problems such as depression, anxiety disorders, anger and self-sabotaging behaviors.

A Questionable Therapeutic Model

I come from a country that does not teach meditation or philosophies that cultivate mental well-being and happiness. Like the monks do here in the schools in Thailand. It’s been something I’ve wondered about in my 24 years as a college teacher. I have adopted some of these philosophies into my teachings that hopefully allow my students to give themselves permission to make mistakes. To give them more freedom to become the people they are meant to become, and to follow their dreams and desires.

Having spent time living in Asia, I am learning the culture and people have a different therapeutic model that cultivates happiness than the one I have been exposed to in my country. With the Buddhist teachings and philosophies as a background, I am doing my best to try to understand. Because, when life tends to throw us challenges, which it regularly does, aren’t we all wanting to overcome those challenges and be happy?

What I am finding here is that showing and sharing your emotions could be seen as a sign of weakness. You may be perceived as someone who complains too much and doesn’t try to solve anything for yourself. This often comes from family environments in which silence is a sign of strength and feelings aren’t likely shared. There is also a belief among younger generations that their elders experienced far more challenging hardships. They do not want to impose on them because they might feel guilty sharing their mental health struggles knowing their relatives faced something “more” stressful just to survive.

In Asia, there can be tremendous pressure to be academically or professionally successful. There’s a sense that your value as a person depends on your ability to take care of your family and community. Mental illness can be seen as a block from a person’s ability to care for others and as taking away someone’s identity or purpose… another form of shame. There is some belief there is no such thing as mental illness. Only institutionalized insanity, brain injury and mental disability.

The Practice

“Happiness will never come to those who fail to appreciate what they already have.”
— Buddha

Happiness can be seen as the ability to cultivate serenity and excitement about life regardless of outside forces. This perspective gives us permission to release the idea that happiness is a constant, with ongoing positivity or contingent upon outside people, events or circumstances.

Happiness fluctuates over time. Of course, we all want to wake up every day in the best happy mood possible. Happiness is an emotion, just like anger, fear and sadness. Happiness is a pleasurable feeling that comes in and out of our awareness over a course of time. Happiness does not describe the identity of who we are, it’s a state of being at any given moment. Happiness is defined by many different things… like where you are, what you are doing, who you are with, how your body feels, your mental state and what we value about our life.

Considering happiness is an emotional state and we cannot control our emotions, I strive to be satisfied and fulfilled with my life as it is. Accepting life’s situations as they are. Because I know the better I feel about myself and my life, the happier I will be. This has required me to establish a practice, just like the practice of Buddhas 5 precepts. The practice involves self-care practices, meditation, diet, exercise and mental training awareness.

Being Grateful… the more I can see the good things around me and in my life, the more of a positive outlook I will have about myself and the world. The world post COVID and the state of politics in the USA has challenged this practice for me.

Right thinking… it’s not about what I don’t like. It’s about shifting to the things that I love about myself and my life. Shifting thoughts and attitudes about the things I can change and letting go of the things I cannot.

Positive Relations… Everyone wants to be connected, accepted, protected, respected, and heard. We all need people in our lives to feel a sense of belonging hand have meaningful connections. The more I can cultivate relationships with likeminded people who I love, admire and enjoy and feel close to, the better I feel about myself and the world.

Find Meaning… There is an individual purpose that we each are given in our lives. Our core values and morals we develop over the course of our lives that help us make choices for ourselves. Buddhist philosophy and even the Dalai Lama talk about our propose in life is to be of service to others. This gets us out of individualistic selfish thinking and provides us self-worth and meaning in our lives.

Focusing on happiness as if it’s a personal goal for our personal identity is a misplaced presumption that tells us we are to be happy all the time. Experiencing happiness requires daily practice that brings greater fulfillment and satisfaction to the life we are living.