Historic 5-years
It’s been 5 years since I returned back to the USA from my sabbatical in Asia. That was when I became a stranger in my own country. Where I could not relate to my countries values and my belongings in the same way. My personal values changed.
It’s been 5 years since my father moved out of his home and into the rehab center, to assisted living and into the nursing home. Dealing with a diagnosis of dementia that he didn’t think he had and had convinced some people there was nothing wrong with him.
The last five years has been a preparation for the next chapter in my life. I have some experience of my life turning upside down. Whether it was as traditional as leaving for undergraduate college as a teen, dropping out of culinary school to live in the culinary hub of San Francisco, moving to Maine and opening a restaurant, a career move into academics, or marriage/divorce. There is another life transition happening.
In the last five years, I’ve become pretty discouraged and disillusioned by the country in which I live. This time, this change, something seems very different. I’ve been having some trouble being able to relate to the academic system I’ve been a part of for 20+ years. The world leader in capitalism with a for profit health care system, the unaffordable housing problem is shrinking (eliminating) the middle/working class I’ve been a part of my entire life. I just cannot relate to the systems here anymore.
What Changed?
One of the questions I am asked is “What was it about Asia that you found so appealing and that changed your perspective?”. The main answer I have is that Asia isn’t so highly regulated like the USA. The traffic signs and signals in India are mostly optional. The craziness in the streets and the markets resemble a lot of the crazy thoughts that are the human mind… not making much, if any, sense. It was after I settled into that different reality, that I realized how comfortable I was. I could make the choice between big box stores or supporting the daily fresh markets, and haggling over prices. I was finally at home.
I chose “homestays” instead of hotels. I wanted to live with the locals and like a local as much as possible. Going to the markets, cooking and eating with the families. The way I was welcomed into others’ homes was heartwarming. Sure, there was a financial exchange. But something felt different. That it wasn’t all about the money. Hospitality was at a different level than in the USA.
I stayed with people who had not accumulated money in the bank, no retirement fund, no fancy car. It was humble living. I was comfortable. Had the basics, and nothing luxurious. The homes were clean, I had hot water and a hot meal. What else could anyone ask for? The poorest of people never complained about their “lack”. And express their happiness for life. The luxury was in the relating.
Everyone looked after each other in the family unit. The young took care of the old. Squabbles and arguments were let go of for the sake of the relationship. I never experienced family values like this before.
I developed an appreciation for arranged marriage, where couples had to learn how to love each other FIRST. Not after the “fucking like rabbits” stage. All after the initial chemistry wears off from the “love marriage” is when we typically realize we’ve been projecting our view of the other into the relationship.
The Preparation
I’ve become rooted in Maine during the last 30 years. Maine has been holding me very well for the last 30 years. Maine, the land of the trees, has served me very well as an escape from the big cities. Lived in many places in Maine. Opened and closed businesses. A 25-year teaching career. Real Estate landlord. Many a side hustle to make ends meet.
My life mirrored the propagandist version of the American dream. The homes. The debt. The businesses. The cars/boats. The vacations. The travel. I accumulated my share of stuff. Consumerism and capitalism has been alive and well during my life. I have been blessed by America providing for me. And my perspective has altered over the years, in my views towards the country in which I live.
My priorities and relationship to the accumulation of material objects have changed dramatically over time. As I reflect over past times, I sure have accumulated my share of stuff. Selling, giving away and donating all my “stuff” has been a feat. All in all, I think I have done well in all respects. It’s time to pass these things along so they have a chance to breathe another life into new owners.
The relationships I have cultivated over the years showed me so much about myself. I’ve learned a lot. Cried many tears. Many of my friendships have supported me well. Others have been outgrown. Some required letting go of. Of all the things I have to face in my life, the separation, transition, conclusion, of my friendships, lovers and close relationships continue to weigh the heaviest in my heart.
I am amazed by the process I am going through in attempt to try to be somewhat prepared for the next chapter in my life. Getting rid of all my shit and paring down to two suitcases. (Maybe three). Selling all my stuff… the real estate, automobiles, motorbikes, workshop tools, and more. It certainly has been a process working through all this. From my attachments to specific material objects, and yielding my opinions to certain processes that I need to work within and that I have no control over.
The Messages
In retrospect, the messages I’ve been getting throughout this process have been pretty clear. There have been plenty of bumps in the road that had me ask myself many times if I am serious about what I want to be doing. And for the most part, the messages have told me it’s time to make my way.
The first message I got was with my job/career. Three years ago I was presented with a new job offer. I would keep my seniority within the faculty unit but had to give up the kitchen classroom. I didn’t want to give up my current job. I loved the kitchen classroom. I just didn’t like the politics that were emerging in the department and at the college. I sat on this for a week before I made my decision. I took the new job with much hesitation. In the long run, it gave me the practice I needed to retire from my job. That was the first message and the most difficult of them to live through the last 3 years.
The second one was my multi-family 3-unit real estate I had to sell. I poured 20-years of blood and sweat equity into this home. The market was 100% in my favor and I wasn’t willing to pay the 5-6% commissions to relators. I have many judgments about the real estate buying/selling process from my past experiences that make me coo-coo pants. I knew I needed to yield my personal opinions and surrender to the process. What happened couldn’t have been any more perfect.
I had market comparisons done and made a post on Facebook. Within two days I had generated enough interest to have some showings. I was under contract within a week. No realtors. Asking price. No inspections. The buyer was a young man, and an old student of mine. One of the kindest souls that I ever met in my kitchen classroom. The process was easy. The buyer was most interested in making sure I have an easy transition into the next chapter of my life. I left most of the furniture and workshop stuff for them. I never could have imagined the process could be like this.
Then, my car. I looked up its value in Kelly Blue Book, JD Power, Edmunds, etc. A low mileage Honda Civic. Private sale and not dealer trade in. I got plenty of low ball offers. Then I got a call from a big dealership. If my car was everything I said it was, they would give me my asking price. My first thought was that I was being played. It was a nice day and I decided to take a drive down there. The car was taken through some contraption originally designed as a bomb detection system and took 200 pictures. We went back into the dealership and looked at the pictures. Everything checked out ok. I had a check in my hands for the full asking price. Just like that.
My motorbike went the same way. Full asking price. Maybe the economy and inflation has a lot to do with the sale of these higher ticket item things. Underlying the circumstances, maybe I was being asked to see the bigger picture? I was grateful things were unfolding as they were. I realized it was only my own resistance causing the most problems for myself.
Lastly, I made a call to my father. To tell him I was planning on leaving the country again. Thanking him for being one of my best teachers. Inspiring me to follow my dreams. That I wouldn’t be in this place in my life without him. He passed away unexpectedly several days after that conversation. I no longer had to be struggling with what to do for him. The timing was uncanny. Realizing life can be taken away from us at any unforeseen minute.
What’s Next?
The million dollar question that most everyone is asking me… What are you going to do when you move to Thailand? Are you going to work? You are too young to retire. Maybe you will meet a nice lady?
My answer is simple. I am giving myself the best gift I know. To live into life’s mystery and face the fear of the unknown. To allow my life to unfold in front of me without any major plan. I’ve had a plan and the drive to fulfill the plans I wanted my entire life. I have some ideas of what I want to do. Continuing to be of service to humanity, relationships with integrity & communicative openness is my central driving force for what I want to be doing. I have faith the rest will fall into place from there.
More to be revealed…