Today is a day I am reminded of a mantra I have in my life… “Don’t get too comfortable in your life”. Because it is all going to eventually change and if we get too comfortable that change can become a place of suffering. I spent a lot of my life looking at where I may have gotten complacent… with the lifestyle I chose, the materialism which creates comfort, complacency in my career, taking my relationships for granted, not appreciating where I live. These are a few places in my life where I definitely have gotten comfortable and resisted change.
Many strategies and teachers out there preaching how to stabilize your nervous system and focus on your mental health. so you can be prepared for the changes in life that will hit you. Mental health is a western concept and not particularly a hot topic in Southeast Asia.
But, are we ever ready for the change that we aren’t putting into place ourselves? It’s our life practice’s that helps us accept and go with the flow.
Vipassana – Goenka
I recently returned home from a 10 day silent vipassana meditation retreat in Lamphun, Thailand. Where we spent 10 hours a day meditating. It was nothing like the mostly bliss filled retreat like I experienced the first time I did this in Sarnath, India .
Vipassana means to observe things as they really are. Seeing with open eyes. To use the mind and body to gain clarity and insight into their true nature. It’s a technique that was taught more than 2500 years ago.
This retreat focused on equanimity, a state of mental balance and even-mindedness that is achieved through meditation and mindfulness. To stay in a meditation position for an hour at a time without moving. Not to swat a mosquito or even stretch or change positions. It was made clear that it was not about torturing yourself. Even though at times it certainly felt like it.
The idea was that if the body was uncomfortable, it would eventually pass. On the opposite side from discomfort is true as well, if you were experiencing joy and bliss, that would eventually pass too.
The intention of my practice is to be able to put the space between the anger/sadness, discomfort/joy. To sit in that feeling or emotion and not immediately react. To pause, breathe, and respond from a place of compassion for myself and others. I have learned much in my practice.
I contribute most of my current vipassana experience to where I find myself in life at the moment. Much has changed in the last few years. My family has fallen apart, my father died, there was a big job change several years ago which led to me leaving my job (retirement), sold my real estate and landlord business, purged all my stuff, and moved to Thailand. All this happened in a short amount of time.
While I think I have been doing an ok job at being present with all the changes. This vipassana retreat made a hard stop and put the brakes on. So all this stuff that has been accumulated in the back seat, no matter how much I may have thought I dealt with these changes, all this landed in my meditation lap in that screeching halt.
This was not a comfortable experience.
Settling in Thailand
Taking a lifetime of jobs and a career in food service, hospitality and teaching, all the side hustles to help make ends meet, a real estate business, investment in the illusion of the American dream, my family, friends, and support systems and leaving them behind to start a new life is a brave and courageous act. Much displacement happened around the same time. Many people have expressed their admiration. Sometimes I am on the fence between being courageous or being stupid.
I landed in Thailand with 47kg of stuff that I pared down from a lifetime of accumulation. Went to a friend’s home who helped me out greatly in the beginning of getting settled here. From there I had a short term rental for 6 weeks so I could find something more long term. On August 1, I signed a year rental agreement and was also approved for a year retirement visa extension. On August 28 I left for 12 days for a vipassana retreat. I traveled to Bangkok a couple times to visit some friends.
I haven’t really felt settled much during this time. It’s only been in the last several weeks after I returned from vipassana that I have begun to feel like Thailand is my home. I am grateful for my job that provided me with the golden parachute in the last few years to practice and prepare for this transition.
As I said above, “don’t get too comfortable in your life, Maurice”. Right?!?!
The 50-Year Flood
Thailand is in the tropics and is known for its rainy season. Chiang Mai, Thailand lies in a valley between two mountain ranges with the Ping river running down the middle. This rainy season is a bit different than the past. Experiencing flooding like they haven’t seen in 50 years.
I live in a village on the outskirts of zone 7. We experienced a little bit of flooding last week when the river peaked. This week was something out of the ordinary. The river recorded record levels. 5.3 meters. Above 3.2 meters is considered flooding.
People built a sandbag wall and began pumping water out from the village. I remained hopeful. During the course of the day, the border of the village and the sandbags began to break. Only to have broken fully in the middle of the night, evacuating most of the village. Including myself.
I took everything I could off of the floor and up on high shelves, etc. Shut off the electricity. I packed everything I thought necessary into a backpack. The stuff I really couldn’t do without. Passport, some paperwork, laptop, phone and a change of clothes. The water was rising so fast in the middle of the night, I didn’t have time to move the motorbike to higher ground.
When dawn broke, I saw many of my neighbors with backpacks evacuating their homes. That was my cue to do the same. Loaded up my bag and waded my bicycle through waist deep water to higher ground. I have a good friend who invited me to stay in their condo with them until I could figure out my next move.
This was another major displacement in my life. An ongoing lesson in acceptance and practicing equanimity. My mantra, “don’t get too comfortable”, was hitting new levels. Challenging my mind in a big way.
The next day, curiosity got the best of me. I rode my bicycle back to my home. The water had receded enough in 36 hours to access the village with only 6” of water to ride through. Every home on my way in was devastated. Water had destroyed most of peoples belongings. It was totally a disaster area. A flood of the century. Or more often as they are predicting with all the climate change.
When I entered my driveway, what I found was nothing less than miraculous.The high water line was right up to the door frame. My motorbike, aircon compressors, and washing machine were underwater for this short time. I prepared myself for the worst after seeing what I did. I opened the door… and no water. The drains in the bathrooms backed up but did not enter the home. How could that be? Hundreds of homes surrounding me had so much damage and I did not have any?
How Could It Be?
I couldn’t understand how it could be like this. I came away practically unscathed while others lost most of their stuff on the same street. I came back home the next day ready to clean up. There was much mud covering the entire outside of my home that needed to be washed away. The motorbike needed to go to the mechanic, the clothes washer and aircon unit needed to be cleaned and dried out before testing them out. I had some help from new friends about a mile down the road who were not affected by the flood.
The last couple of days after my home was clean enough, I went to help others in the village. There was no way I could try to resume my life knowing others in the same village I was in were suffering. This event has brought people together which is a beautiful thing. While at the same time I am feeling the sadness that it took such devastation to have many realize we cannot do it alone
I am waking up in the middle of the night thinking about water. Checking the street to see that it’s still not flooded. I woke up last night because the water pump kept going on and off periodically. To find the sprayer in the bathroom leaking that I repaired myself because my landlord is dealing with their own flooded house.
I continue to feel very lucky and fortunate.
One of my neighbors asked if I was going back “home”. I told them, this was my home.
Another neighbor, from the Ukraine, said he’d rather be here dealing with this natural disaster than back in Ukraine waiting for a Russian missile. I feel the same about not having to deal with the gun violence in ‘merikkkah.
The mantra still holds…
Don’t get too comfortable in your life.
Practice equanimity to develop compassion/empathy.
Everything is temporary.
Change is inevitable.
