All Systems “Go”… but what if….

As I sit here in the home I’ve been living for the last 10+ years with all of my personal belongings / creature comforts I’ve collected all packed up (except big furniture) my mind’s thoughts begins to wander to the many places it had to go to consider a trip I’m about to embark on next week. My home feels empty of “stuff” over the last few days and I can honestly say that I don’t miss much of it. A 40L backpack is how I will be traveling with the necessities for living.

My mind has taken me on quite the ride these last few weeks. As a quadruple Virgo I am meticulously methodical in ways of planning, both my professional life and my personal life… especially planning a trip like this. Leaving for 7-8 months leaves a lot to consider. Did I get my bills all set up for auto-pay? Did I get all the vaccinations and medications from the travel doctor? Did I take care of all the property management things for my beautiful friend that is moving into my home? Do I have all the knowledge I need about the countries I am visiting to respectfully honor all the cultures? What is the best way to handle all my finances while I’m halfway around the world? My to-do lists get written and then scratched off and then re-written and then scratched off. There isn’t much room for stillness in all of these thoughts.

It’s been wonderful to be with members of my tribe during this time prior to departure and reflecting on the past and the beautiful connections that have been cultivated over decades and in some cases much shorter amounts of time. These conversations contain physical displays and words of affections, appreciation for lives shared, words of courage/bravery to undertake an adventure like this and let’s not forget the feelings of being scared/fear. Many have said they admire the courage it takes to go on a trip like this and in addition to the fear that keeps us in our comfort zones. I am fortunate and extremely grateful to have the love that surrounds me from all of the amazing circles I have traveled over the years to launch me on this adventure.

I realized how easy is has been for me to get caught up in the form of thought. My mind can instantly take me to all the places of fear which leads to more thoughts of my lack of trip preparations. What did I forget? What if this/that happens when I’m away? Did I do all this right? All of these kinds of thoughts can bring feelings of being trapped and living in contracted space around me, totally uncomfortable. It’s a vicious circle that can be hard to get off of. Remembering the practices I have put in place over the last to find stillness, acceptance of what is and being with the discomfort while not reacting to it. Allowing this mind-state to arise, see it and then accept it is everything I can do.

Isn’t that what they call surrender? To surrender to the form that every moment/situation takes. Are we seeking in places where the surrendered state does not exist… in consumerism, home improvements, making more money? The only place to find this surrendered state is in stillness, in the face of the unacceptable. Where torture instruments become the source of the divine. Not running away from things but, going through them. THIS is my spiritual practice!