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28 May 2019

It’s Slow Going…

by Maurice | posted in: Personal Growth, Relationship, Sabbatical, Spiritual, The Human Condition | 0

This is going to be a long one… just so you are aware up front. ????

It’s been about two months now that I’ve been back home in Westbrook. I’ve been able to unpack my stuff and settle back into my space as best as possible for now. During this last year or so I’ve noticed how some of my relationships have changed… some indirectly and some directly related to this trip to Asia, my food tastes have changed, I bought a motorbike – a 300cc Honda Forza NSS300, my grip on being fastidiousness about cleanliness has lessened, I’m not caring so much for money, my eyes have been opened to different family values than what I had previous knowledge of, witnessing the transformation of the relationship to my own mortality… Oh, and my father is in the hospital again… I’m sure there is more. These are a few of the things that I’m noticing about myself as I continue to slowly find my way back home in both the figurative and literal sense.

I’m not sure how to use this blog moving forward. I set this blog up to help bring some meaning and understanding for myself as a reflective historic reference for my sabbatical. In 7 months, there was so much daily brand-new data input that its hard to remember everything. It also helped to keep the people who were worried about me informed that I am safe. There is the possibility for me to include personal information that I’m not sure I want plastered all over the internet. Then again… who the fuck really cares? Oh right… this is America where we judge people for their past and try to make them pay for what they may have done.

For the last couple of months, I’ve noticed that when I’ve been home in my space I’ve been spending most of my time at the dining table in the kitchen. This is something similar that I’ve gotten used to over the last bit of time, I have a room to sleep in that sometimes has a desk and sometimes the desk is the dining table. I’m sure it’s no surprise to anyone that knows me when I tell you that the kitchen has the highest concentration of “stuff” that I own. And the place where I have typically found myself most at home. As I continue to purge my stuff, the kitchen was an area that I did no purging to and it needs purging badly. Something that is on my summer to-do list.

I’m not sure what to make out of the changes to relationship. We continue to grow, and our relationships will transform along with us (hopefully). I realize the change is within me and my perspectives are being transformed. Being half way around the world and with the time difference also added to the equation. I’m trying to be with what is and not needing to understand or make sense out of the changes within myself, how others have changed, and how those changes have affected the “we” in the relationships. I’m exhausted just writing that when there is no truth to any of my perceived thoughts or understanding, it’s only my own mental masturbation. BLECH! And I notice when I begin to travel down that rabbit hole it gets really old pretty quick right now. HA! The word that comes to mind is “refined”.

Before I left for India I was dining out a lot. Currently, dining out does not really appeal to me. As I sit at my kitchen table writing this I think about what’s the next meal I’m going to make. Currently my diet consists of jasmine or basmati rice, dal made from different legumes, rice noodles, tofu, and fruits and vegetables. I bought a chicken to make vindaloo, all organic, antibiotic free, cage free, blah blah blah… and it tasted dry to me and unappealing. But the stir-fried okra and cauliflower curry really appeals to me. So, I guess meat isn’t all that appealing to me right now. I realize some of this relates to the ethical treatment of animals and the Buddha dharma of non-violence. While some of it is just personal taste.

While I was in Thailand and Cambodia I rented a 125cc scooter to get around with (not the one with the ducks) when I was staying in towns without good public transportation. There is a huge thriving scooter culture in Southeast Asia and India. Gasoline is about $4 a gallon which is expensive over there and these machines get about 100mpg which makes getting around on a scooter more economical. It’s a lot of fun to drive and I don’t have to pay any attention to shifting up and down the gear box like a yoyo. So, I bought what they call a “maxi-scooter” a 300cc automatic Honda Forza. I think this thing will pay for itself in just the savings of fuel riding at 65mpg. It’s a lot of fun to drive and it’ll ride all day at 50-60mph comfortably. They say it’ll go 90mph but that makes me nervous. And it’s not a noise and exhaust polluting huge motorcycle which I like. Fun Fun Fun

I was unsure how much to budget for my time away. Taking a year off work and relying on my savings which I thankfully have took some time to think about how much money I would need. I budgeted twice as much money than I thought I would need. Better that way than the other way around. I was able to do everything I wanted to do and even splurged on myself when the urge came up. It was amazing that I could eat this really fabulous food for under $3 for an entire a meal. The rooms I stayed in cost me $3-$30 a night. I used public transportation and different versions of Uber/Lift. As it turns out, I spent less money traveling than I would have staying home. Yes, you heard me correct. I’m really looking closely at where my money is going right now. I traded my $60/month Verizon mobile bill for another carrier @ $19/month. If you are interested in talking about mobile phone savings let me know so we all can save money. Things like that.

I take great pride in how I maintain the sanitary condition of my kitchens, both personally and professionally. After being in Asia and seeing the differences in how people keep their kitchens and street food carts clean my eyes were opened to what happens when you can sell any kind of food item you want that you cook in your own home make-shift kitchen. There is no consistent governmental regulation for health inspection in food service establishments. Let the consumer beware is how it goes. As I find myself spending time at my kitchen table I notice how I don’t wipe down my stove as frequently or sweep the floor as much as I used to. The term “cleanliness is next to godliness” has taken a different form. I’ll be interested to see how this translates to a professional kitchen. Probably not much in the big picture.

This trip was a HUGE bucket list for me, now fulfilled. Now what am I going to do with the rest of my life until I die? I just hit a 20-year anniversary at the college I work for and turned 50 years old. Am I really 5 years away from retirement? I’m not sure what my priorities are or where to put my focus. What is my purpose NOW? Fuck, this can be painful being directionless and sitting with the mystery of the unknown. I could almost feel complete with my life, yet once again. I remember this feeling of being “lost” several times in my life after big events such as this. Folks, this is not depression so put your mental health diagnosis away please. I haven’t locked myself in my home just yet.

As I have been home the last two months the topic of mortality has been in my face. From all the death rituals I’ve attended in India, Nepal and Thailand, the hospice volunteer work I do, to looking at my own family history of uncles and grandfathers with heart attacks and heart disease around my age, and now my father being in the hospital for the second time in a couple months. I visited a place where death and the conversation about death isn’t kept from the public eye as it is mostly here in the USA. Isn’t it funny that we are all on the same path to death and yet nobody really likes to talk about it?

I have to make my way to Colorado here very soon based on my own accord and not because anyone will ask that from me. I take that back, my mother asked me to go, which was actually a nice surprise. I have seen families that will camp out in hospitals when a member of the family is admitted supporting the person and not allowing anyone to lose sight of the family structure. These were not the family values I was brought up with and so my father sits in the hospital alone and by himself a lot of the time. Listen to what thoughts are coming up in your mind as you read this right now. Listen to which thoughts offer the most life, love and compassion towards all, versus pity, sympathy and aversion. Trust me… I go through my own roller coaster with this one. I know I will need some support as I traverse these unknown waters.

I can’t help but think about the isolation that occurs with men, me included, which I see so often in this super competitive and capitalist society in which we live. I realize that we all continue to make ongoing choices in life to live the lives that we want at every given moment… and then sometimes have regrets when we do not make the risky choices. If I want to embrace living a different personal values structure within myself instead of replaying the said given stories of the past, I need to continue to choose to give of myself, practice pointing my mind towards peacefulness, getting out of my own self-centered isolation, so I can FEEL EVERYTHING with non-attachment to my thoughts/feelings… to be in the fullness of presence with myself and in service to other. If this is to happen, then I cannot allow any of my past or history to effect how I want my current and future personal values to reflect in my life moving forward. Better that I wrote this out. Easier said than done.

So off to Colorado and into the mystery I go.

http://m.360.io/rcwCSw

11 May 2019

A Little Lost … back in Westbrook, Maine

by Maurice | posted in: Adventure, Love, Personal Growth, Sabbatical, Spiritual, The Human Condition | 0

I applied for a year-long sabbatical in November 2017 and couldn’t do any real planning until I received signed paperwork from my bosses with a denial or approval. In June 2018 I received the final approval and the signatures I needed to make this a “go”. The class I had negotiated taking back in October 2017 for the sabbatical application at The International Institute of Culinary Arts in New Delhi, India had time expired, UGH. #WatToDo ?

The whole idea of this sabbatical was to travel to India and learn about the culture and cuisine for a couple of months. I became curious about the nature of “one-pot” cooking in this part of the world and how it creates a sense of belonging to those who participate in meals’ planning, acquiring, preparation, cooking, eating and let’s not forget the cleaning up part. Other ways I’m looking at how this way of meal preparation creates “belonging” are…

Grounding in our lives to live the most fulfilled and purposeful existence through the support system of where/how food nourishment is prepared
Creating a sense of connection to each other, to god/universe/source and to the earth.
Developing a sense of community and developing relationships thorough a common purpose (cooking, eating, nourishment) to all those participating around the central focus area of the kitchen… farmers, producers, preparation, cooking and eating
Tending to the well-being of each other through a common purpose and goal.
Finding the most life-giving ways to engage with each other, the land and the bounty of the earth.

Phew… O.K.

That was my intention and how I was going to go about a lot of my professional culinary journey for 7 months. Finding the families, home-stays and the people who were willing to let me into their home space and into their personal and family’s lives… with varying degrees of success. The people I was able to connect with on this level, I learned a tremendous amount from. It was up to me to adapt to the unfamiliar cultures because the cultures will never adapt to me, that’s a given. I had to have a good idea of what balance was all about… To have enough drive in me to find a place for me in someone’s home and then once I found something, to be able to surrender to what ever was going to unfold and present themselves after that.

The connections I made through this intention have been rich, intimate, spiritual, reciprocal, full of depth, emotional, loving, conflictual and intense. These kinds of relationships take time to develop, cultivate and nourish. Some people even avoid this kind of intimacy with strangers. Even though I may have been staying 2-3 weeks somewhere, that is still a short amount of time to get to know people, their cultural & culinary traditions, and find a way of fitting me into their already established home unit to help prepare meals.

I was able to spend about half of my time with people learning about their culture and cuisine. The other half of my time I was having my own personal adventures… meditation, yoga, trekking, writing, cooking at home, taking classes, exploring and sightseeing. I was able to build in some down time and not feel pressured to always be on the move Allowing myself permission to be still and not have to “go and do and see” was always challenging for me and I think I did OK in that regard.

After all this time away from home, while in Hanoi, Vietnam, I got food poisoning and I wasn’t feeling so hot and juicy for my next travel move. I took a few extra days to recover and decide what my next move would be. It just so happens that my friend who was staying in my home had purchased a home and had moved out in March and my home was vacant. I was feeling complete with what it was I came to do… and I decide to make my way back home to Maine.

Alright… now what? After months of ongoing daily data input throughout my travels, I get home and wonder what might be next for me. I’ve unpacked the stuff I put in boxes after not needing any of it for about 8 months. I kept asking myself as I was unpacking… “Whose stuff is this anyway?”. I’ve lived out of a 40l backpack and in one room for months. Am I having some reverse culture shock?

I am sitting with the mystery of what might be next for me after this last eighteen months of “sabbatical” … from the day I applied in November 2017 to today. I know it’s not over. I’m continuing to have flashbacks to different people, places and things during my travels and am beginning to think about looking at the 6000+ pictures I took.

I feel a bit lost with a lack of direction and it feels kinda painful at the moment. Not really sure there’s anything to do about it either. I’ve been riding such a high crest of the waves these last 7-8 months… now I get home and I get to figure out how to get back into the life I left months ago, which I don’t think is possible. Or, how to create the life that I want moving forward. It’s never ending… the creation of life and how we want to live it throughout our ever-changing lifespan. Everywhere you go…. there you are… shit! ????

In the meantime, I am enjoying the great air quality, the less congestion and traffic in the streets riding my motorbike, sleeping when I want, making mala necklaces, enjoying my new Korean rice cooker and Indian cooking. I’m almost done settling back into my space and I’m looking forward to the Montreal Jazz Festival, visiting my father for his 80^th birthday and a lovely 2019 summer!

2 May 2019

Finding My Way Back Home – Which is where?

by Maurice | posted in: Sabbatical, The Human Condition | 0

Back in November, I straightened out all of the flights (5) that I booked before leaving the USA, knowing full well I would have to eventually do this, AND at the same time, I finally got the deal on the visa business that have popped up on the internet, I’ve since wondered…

Since all of my plans have been thrown to the wind… and what a wind it’s been… When would I finally make it to Indonesia and then to end back at home? Back last summer, the agreement was two months but, there was no way I was going to go all that way and not see some of these other places. I had to add Angkor Wat, Siam Reap, Cambodia to the list of places to go, then Vietnam.

Back at home? What’s “home” anyway? Home has been overnight in some Asian airport waiting for an early morning flight. Home has been plywood with a piece of foam on top and calling it bed. Home has been trying to sleep with a broken a/c at 104F (40C) outdoors and, home has been waking up with no wood for the stove at 0F (-18C). Home has been a menagerie of www.airbnb.com all through India and S.E. Asia. Now that we got all the physicalities out of the way…

Home … has been knowing that I somehow have a way mapped out to my place of inner peace (call it whatever you want to call it). A place where I can make my way and come back to every time I may be struggling and need to find that place of peace. This was an important part of planning on being away for so long from home and out of what was then, my comfort zone.

I’ve been blessed with having the strength and ability while being away from all of my own creature comforts and to make someone else’s home, mine… just for the plain sake of a place to sleep and for my own peace of mind for when things get a bit tiring and overwhelming. How can that possibly happen anyway? Isn’t it all excitement and adventure and fun? Embracing being human and my humanness by honoring the need for inner peace and a place to lay my head.

Now I am home… as in, Maine

I’ve been back in Maine for about a month. Is it really May 2019? What made me decide it was time to come back to Maine? Basically, I lost my drive and excitement for the next move, the next place, the next adventure. After dealing with some health stuff happening back to back and needing to change plans because I could not travel due to some food poisoning, I was left with a few days to think.

The first thing that came to my mind was DEFEAT. Here it is the end of March and I am not meeting the made-up plan I had in my head that it was to be May. I would be coming home to soon. Wait a minute, had I not originally agreed to only two months and here I am into seven months? This whole defeat thing really doesn’t hold much ground here.

Then I thought of the next few places I was planning on going to like the land of the sinking dragon and more time on the beaches in Bali. I had been contemplating places that I hadn’t planned on and was thinking about going to, like Israel or Peru or back to Thailand. Nothing was getting me excited and juicy. And then I thought that I should give it some time to recover from this yukky food poisoning and come back to this conversation. So, I did…

Was I just hitting another level of travel stuckness and screaming to go home? Hmmm… Didn’t I just write about embracing my humanness which also includes ambivalence which can disgust me? Was defeat getting the best of me? Just work through your illness and then you’ll get your mojo back!

If I choose to go back to Maine… What was I going to do after I get home? I have so much freedom to choose. Portland Headlight then appeared as the random computer chosen desktop pic. OK. It’s time to come home… undefeated.

Since I’ve been home

Things must be easy-going, kind and permissive towards myself as I figure my way into what I’m coming home to. The transition has been easy as far as moving back into a well-kept apartment by my friend which was very nice. While I’ve been back in Maine, I have not had the energy to do much of anything other than sustaining life basics and purchasing a rice cooker and a motorbike. The cold temperatures aren’t helping motorbike riding either.

When I started to unpack I was beginning to look inside of the open boxes that I packed 7-8 months ago. I look at the contents inside the box and wonder who the person is that owns this stuff. I recognize the stuff… but I’m looking at it differently somehow… like it’s not my stuff anymore. After living out of what fit into a 40l backpack for so many months I got used to not having all the “stuff”.

Since I’ve been home, I have been having these wonderful flashbacks in my mind of being somewhere, doing something, meeting this person, eating that food, etc.. There was so much of that kind of thing… new data being input into my brain nearly every day. I realize I will need some time for integration and will allow myself the time that it takes, however it looks.

I’m slowly making my way back into social environments and feel a little self-conscious about what it is that I’m going to say when someone asks about my trip. Because, I have no friggin’ clue what it is I’m supposed to say. I know I could probably sit and talk with the right person for a while if the stars are aligned properly.

Maybe then we already are home?…

24 Apr 2019

A Glimpse Into The Foods Of Vietnam – Hanoi, Vietnam

by Maurice | posted in: Adventure, Cooking Advice, Sabbatical | 0

After 7 months of traveling and doing research for my sabbatical… “How Culture’s View of Communal Cooking Fosters Rich Human Connection” while I was in India and Thailand, it was time for me to just be with myself and explore Vietnamese food and if opportunity came for me to cook with the families I’m staying with, then great. Of not, then that’s ok too. As I wrote the last two lines I could feel the beautiful lifelong connections I had made with people and the sinking of my tender heart having to say goodbye to them after such deep dives of connection in a short amount of time. It’s amazing the duality of the human experience that can be felt both at the same time.

I decided to stay at this Airbnb here in Hanoi, Vietnam because of their great reviews and because the host loves to cook and has cooked a little bit for their guests. Now that the children are in college and out of the house and she does much less cooking. I found many kitchen electronic toys in the kitchen. Things like, air fryer, slow cooker, pressure cooker and one that has me very intrigued… an Induction Heating, Pressurized Rice Cooker. I tasted the rice cooked in this thing and it was like I’ve never tasted rice before, really incredible. I think I must have one of those things. It germinates brown rice and then cooks it… called GABA.

After spending all this time in Asia, I saw how many different kinds of rice are grown in this area of the world. There are about 20-30 different kinds of rice grown here in Vietnam. Other countries have their own different varieties. So, of course, the best rice cooker would come out of this area in the world.

I got a list of street food I needed to try when I got here. Things like Pho (beef, duck, snail, eel, crab), Banh Mi, Rice Pancakes, sticky rice breakfast, and porridge. My intent is to continue to see cooking as a “simple” practice… even if some things might be time consuming, like making stocks/broths, the process needs to be seen as simple. Some things definitely require skill and practice to make which takes time, determination and effort. But, it’s the cooking process, in the mind, that needs to continually be seen as easy. Or no one will do it. And guess what… COOKING IS EASY!

What the Pho?….

It’s all about the broth… one of the things Vietnam is famous for is a soup called “Pho”. You can find Pho everywhere on the streets and in many flavors. I’ve been fortunate to sample several different flavors (duck, paddy crabs, chicken and beef) of Pho from street vendors who make the same few things to sell every day. I tend to know I’m in the right place because I’m one of the only westerners around, not many people speak English and the restaurant/vendor already has their English translator ready to call over to help.

Your creation is only as good as the quality of the ingredients you choose to use and the time and attention (love) you give to your final product all throughout the process. Yup… still… even when halfway around the world!

Not only in French cuisine do they talk about the process of “clarification” … as in the making of a consommé. In Vietnam they talk about how clear, sweet and umami rich their broths need to be when serving them in Pho. How people will cook their broths for hours through the night under close watch so the liquid never comes to a boil but, only to a gentle, gentle simmer. This way the small food particles don’t get a chance to impart any bitterness and the liquid remains sweet extracting the flavors that NEVER happen with high boiling temperatures.

In addition to varying the meat/seafood flavors of the broth which is typically made from beef bones… there are many variations to what constitutes Pho. The kinds of noodles, preserved vegetables, many different sauces/dressings and the many different varieties of herbs, shrubs and vegetables unique to Vietnamese cooking. The flavor profile possibilities are endless. And people know what good broth is all about here in Hanoi.

Baby Got Back – “Banh Bao” …

Another thing that I’ve always remembered being intrigued by in my life are pastry filled savory items. Things like ravioli, dumplings, perogies, potstickers, kreplach, samosas, momos, dal fara, and stuffed breads. I remember these things called “curry puffs” in Thailand. In Vietnamese cuisine there are chopped meat filled sweet milk stuffed bread things called “Banh Bao”, or steamed buns, and they make for great snacks and appetizers. I thought that since I was here in Hanoi, Vietnam I should at least go out and see about them.

What I found was pretty interesting. There is a lot of street food in Hanoi and there is a trend to bringing home more prepared food and finishing or re-heating at home, like in Thailand. And items such as Pho and Bao that takes a long time to prepare/cook will be the things that stay popularly made on the street.

Banh Bao are one of those items that are sold on the street and typically produced by the family and sold by one of the family elders. I tried a few different kinds, and nothing really stuck out for me as, “this is something fantastic” like I thought I remembered them from the BBQ pork steamed buns back in the states.

Is it called a… Hoagie? Sub? Italian? & The 3-Tastes

One of the influences the French had in Vietnam was in the creation of a single serving sandwich made out of baguette and is called “Banh Mi”.

A bánh mì sandwich typically consists of one or more meats, accompanying vegetables, and condiments. Common fillings include steamed, pan-roasted or oven-roasted seasoned pork belly, Vietnamese sausage, grilled pork, grilled pork patties, spreadable pork liver pâté, pork floss (not a typo, google it), grilled chicken, chicken floss, canned sardines in tomato sauce, soft pork meatballs in tomato sauce (xíu mại), head cheese, mock duck, and tofu. Accompanying vegetables typically include fresh cucumber slices, cilantro (leaves of the coriander plant) and pickled carrots and white radishes in shredded form (đồ chua). Common condiments include spicy chili sauce, sliced chilis, Maggi seasoning sauce, and mayonnaise.

Sticky Rice Breakfast

One of the things popular with the locals is eating “Xôi xéo”, or sticky rice… for breakfast. Sticky rice can take a long time to cook… up to four hours to get it to the right consistency and therefore not very practical to stay at home to make unless you have a special rice cooker. The ingredients to make xôi xéo are the same everywhere: glutinous rice, mung bean, turmeric powder, some liquid fat, fried shallot or pork/chicken floss. And there are a couple variations with corn/hominy as well. Not bad for $0.50US either.

The Ongoing Lesson

Remember the lesson from Thailand? “Sam Rot”? … the three tastes. Sweet, salty and sour combinations and those tastes should be balanced out in the Banh Mi as well. This is a lesson that travels all through South East Asia. This is also a skill that takes practice… to be able to balance the tastes out on the culinary palate.

The best advice I can give to emerging palate developers… “you can always add more, but you cannot take it out once it’s in”. Also, take the time to educate your palate so you can find the balance in the three tastes that I’m describing to you here. Getting the balance between something sweet, sour and salty takes time and practice.

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Maybe then we already are home?…

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