Blog Full

It’s hard to believe that my 60-day Thailand visa expires Saturday and I will be on the next leg of my journey to Siam Reap, Cambodia. My journey in Thailand has taken me to places I never planned on going and meeting people I never expected to meet. I never made it to places I planned on going like Krabi or Phuket, but I did make it to places I didn’t plan on going in Issan, Nakhon Ratchasima (nicknamed, Korat) and Yasothon.

It took me a while to get some traction in Thailand in order to find a little bit of what I wanted in terms of culture and cuisine education outside of just going to a bunch of touristy classes. Thailand can be such a contradiction in its beliefs… like being Buddhist, where Buddhism has a nonviolence dharma, and Thailand is under military rule and condones cock fighting/gambling. And Thailand has taught me I could create the life just as I want despite any contradiction or ambivalence I may perceive in myself. Sadly enough, it is in that space between contradiction and creation, where I have seen complete shifts and even endings to a couple of, what I thought to be, good friendships. With openings come closure… when one door closes, another one opens.

I have given myself several days here in Bangkok before I fly out to Cambodia, to write, to explore a few more markets and temples, to be still, to reflect and to chill out. I decided to stay in the heart of Bangkok, so I could have access to all of the modern amenities and public transportation which I have become very accustomed to. It is hot and sticky with unhealthy air quality.

I am beginning to make my way through Siem Reap and then onto Phenom Penh, Cambodia. I bring with me the loving memories of time well spent in India, Nepal and Thailand. Landing in Siem Reap, I am fortunate to have booked an Airbnb that is a luxury villa just outside of town. The high ceilings, solid wood fixtures, a great working kitchen and a really cumfy bed that is helping me work on getting rid of this chest cold I picked up in Nakhon Ratchasima, Thailand.

I notice it’s like starting over again. Meeting new places, getting used to the lay of the land, where things are located and how I want to be spending my time. I’m not sure if I’m going to look into continuing mt investigation and exploring the communal cooking thing here in Cambodia. Possibly a little bit in Vietnam. I carry with me a heavy heart from leaving India and Thailand and the beautiful friendships and relationships that I have made while I was there. I realize it’s not the end of those relationships, its only a shift. I notice how much I’m enjoying my time alone and not having to negotiate things with others at the moment. I got my tickets to Angkor Wat, Angkor Thom, Ta Prohm, Banteay Kdei, Ta Keo, Neak Pean and Phnom Bakheng. I think that should keep me busy for a few days.

Writing Shifts

During these last couple of weeks, I have experienced a shift in my writing. As I give myself the time to settle and chill, I can sit in front of the keyboard and patiently let thoughts flow through my hands. Maurice? Writing what looks like and seems like poetry? WTF?

It has also gotten to the point where I feel I do not have much of anything to hide. I had second thoughts about putting some of these things out there in my writing and onto the internet. And then I had a friend say something to me that made things crystal clear. Basically, to know me is to love me. I get to be free from the bondage of thoughts in my mind, and because of that, you get to be free too should you choose to do so.

Cooking

What about the food? Thai food? Oh My God! THAI FOOD! I have learned how to cook so much Thai food. It’s actually sooo easy. The term is “sam rot” (สามรส), any three-part combination of the five primary flavors/tastes (sweet, sour, spicy, salty and bitter).  Sam rot = three flavors = using any three tastes that suit your needs. Making your own chili pastes are wonderful and time consuming. And there are also lots of chili pastes out there to purchase. Of course, there’s nothing like making your own just the way you like it.

I have explored every possible outdoor, indoor, floating, morning and evening market I could possibly find. I have had kind and generous people educate me on the local foods and even show me how to cook them. I have tasted mediocre Thai food and I have tasted fabulous Thai food and I have learned the difference and reasons why. The reasons are simple. Love and Money.

Love and Money are languages that cross all language, religious and cultural barriers, and no matter where you are in the world and no matter what it is that you do. If you don’t love what you do and aren’t passionate about what you are doing as a cook/chef it shows in the quality of the product. Love will always be the main ingredient in all of the cooking process. Also, there are many food substitutions to make to reduce food costs and to make more money. Pad Thai has always been one of my favorite Thai dishes and I have tasted so many of them. If you are not using freshly made tamarind juice, a high-quality fish sauce and a high-quality palm sugar your final Pad Thai will not be up to par.

Street food vs. Restaurant food. In Thailand you can make the choice to eat a full-fledged westernized restaurant or you can eat street food. You can pay top dollar for restaurant food or you can pay only a few dollars for street food. I’ve had some not so great experiences in both. For the most part, I still prefer to eat the street food and the modified restaurant street food… which are seating areas around a food cart style kitchen. I’ve had some great conversations with restaurant owners and have been yelled at by a few because I demanded fresher cut items than the ones they were choosing to use. If you are going to work out in the open, you better be aware of the quality of the products you choose to use around someone like me.

You Can Live Your Life the Anyway You Choose

I’m not going to write anything about this because I already did… Click here.

Forgiveness and Letting Go

One of the big lessons for me is allowing myself to let go of any expectation I may have for an outcome in any situation and forgiving myself for any hard feelings I am creating for myself by having those expectations. It’s been so hard for me in my life to allow relationships to shift or have them end because we are not seeing eye to eye, or there are abusive tendencies, or conflict resolution is not a strong point, or we are plain and simply not a good match together. I’m not talking about just love relationships, I’m talking friendships and all other kinds of relationships.

I was once asked to consider being responsible for whatever it is was has happened for the loss of my marriage. Not taking on the blame and feeling guilty for it but, really looking at myself and not putting any responsibility onto someone else without them doing it for themselves and completely on their own. Grieving loss and abandonment has such a strong emotional pull in my life that it’s been a challenging practice not to blame myself for what may have gone wrong that led to relational shifts or endings. And then feel guilty for when someone has some negative feelings towards the situation and towards me. When it has gotten to that point, I realize it’s gotten to the point of becoming self deprecating and even to self-sabotage. It’s a deep-seated historical seed that has been planted many years ago. It’s hard to believe that I’m writing about this and will put it on my blog.

Everyone is doing the best that they possibly can at any given moment with the resources they have. Including you and me. I give my all and my best shot at being successful in all of my relationships. Once I feel I have made some progress dealing with shifts and loss, the universe is provides me with another opportunity to look at myself again, to forgive and to let go.

Traveling alone halfway around the world on this sabbatical with intentions of researching how communal cooking effects people’s sense of belonging in community, it shouldn’t be a surprise to me when personal things like this show up.

Buddha Dharma vs. The Religion of Buddhism

I have spent some time studying some of the philosophies of the teachings of Buddha. Things like non-violence, non-attachment, vipassana meditation, The Four Immeasurables, and some Zen Buddhist teachings. Then I come to Thailand and see that Buddhism is a complete religion with many sects, not unlike Christianity. But, what I find strange is the worshiping of idols and how contradictory the society is structured, contradicting the teachings of Buddha. There is a military controlled government who hasn’t held elections for along time and that vote keeps getting postponed by the monarchy. There are televised cock (chicken) fights, violence, that supports gambling which is an addiction (attachment). It’s just such a contradiction in terms.

It’s hard to believe that I am into my 6^th month of traveling though Asia. I’ve gotten used to being in unfamiliar places where I don’t speak the language, have no idea about how to get around or where to go and how to deal with the locals when they see me as an opportunity for them to scam me. I can feel the ease in my life that has been cultivated within myself from the time I left and landed in India until now. I’m curious what life will be like for me landing back home in Maine sometime in May before heading to the Montreal Jazz fest at the end of June. Ok, Maurice… stop time traveling… you are in Cambodia… get to exploring and creating more memories!  As my friend Rudy would say…. ONWARD! ????