Blog Full - Maurice Leavitt

2 Jan 2019

Giving and Receiving are NOT the same – January 2. 2019

by Maurice | posted in: Love, Personal Growth, Relationship, Spiritual, The Human Condition | 0

I have had the beginnings of this writing in my draft folder for a long time and it’s about time I got to it. There are writings all over the internet about giving and receiving that say all kinds of different things. Are you giving too much and not looking after yourself? Are you giving too much and receiving to little? Giving and receiving ARE the same! The secret to happiness is in giving to others. Avoid giving unsolicited advice. Give and you will receive. Are you confused yet? I certainly am.

One thing that I do not want to miss is the importance of service work, community service or being of service to humankind. This is a kind of giving that reaps its own rewards and cannot be overlooked. It is not about receiving or getting anything back when doing service work. This is about giving back to the world for the blessing of being able to be part of the world. It’s that simple.

An aspect of giving-receiving is where some of us have learned to be a giver out of self-preservation. Some people grew up in families where we learned that by giving of ourselves we avoided conflict and were able to try to keep the peace in our home. We were recognized for what we did than for who we truly are. As we keep giving and giving and giving we lose track of our own self-care which can lead to co-dependent behavior in our relationships.

Is it really more selfish to receive rather than to give? Some religions have taught us that. And that life is more about suffering than being happy. Isn’t that judgment an historic, worn out, religious dogmatic teaching? From the Bible, Acts 20:35 (King James Version): “I have shewed you all things, how that so labouring ye ought to support the weak, and to remember the words of the Lord Jesus, how he said, It is more blessed to give than to receive.” By believing in this way of being we make ourselves feel competent, strong and that we should never make mistakes.

It’s much easier to hide ourselves behind giving. We give and give and give and never give others to give to us or allow ourselves even a chance to receive. We don’t want to feel indebted to someone or pressured to reciprocate. Even a simple compliment can be hard to receive. Just learning to say “thank you” helps experience the natural sense of gratitude that comes along with receiving a gift or compliment.

We like to think that by giving we are having a positive effect on our “karma”. But I think we get karma confused with the giving and receiving concept. Karma literally means “action” or “doing”. Karma, one of the fundamental concepts of Buddhism, is what affects the cycle of rebirth. This is about actions that determine “cause” and “effect” and have nothing to do with giving and receiving.

There are times when we are forced to receive. When someone criticizes our work, we have some choices in how to receive that information. Are you more likely to get defensive and take things personally instead of keeping an open mind and heart to see someone else’s point of view? What about when we make an error or mistake where we need a correction, how gracefully are we able to receive that correction? It’s the difference of being humble or feeling humiliated. The feeling of gratitude for the opportunity to make things right or the feelings of incompetence.

Receiving means to be receptive. Opening ourselves up to receive. When we go to a seminar, workshop or even to school we are saying that we want to be open to receive new information. And yet, we can show resistance to receiving knowledge from our teachers, our fellow colleagues and students. We have lost sight of what strength really is. Strength is cultivated during our practice of receiving new outside information. Let’s not let our ego get in the way of receiving that information because we have attached part of our self-identity to our “knowing” instead of being humble in our unknowing. How can we grow in our wisdom and knowledge when we have such resistance in receiving new information?

What about giving and receiving in relationships? Yes, absolutely, relationships are a series of give/take compromises, one after another. I have already demonstrated in this writing that it’s much easier to be a giver. We can have such expectations on each other in relationships. How we want to receive love. How we give love. There is such conflict that happens in our relationships because we haven’t figured out how to receive each other with kindness and compassion.

Receiving creates intimacy and connection in our relationships. Prioritizing giving may create distancing and separation. If we don’t allow ourselves to receive a simple gift or compliment we are depriving ourselves of a moment of connection with someone else.

Which one would be more important to really learn how to do well? Giving or receiving? If you really had to choose between giving and receiving, which one would you choose? Yes, completely a trick question.

I’d like to leave you with these last bold statements to answer those above few questions as to why receiving is more important than to give.

To receive what someone has to give at any given time is the greatest gift you could possibly give.
Practice dropping our judgments and expectations so we can receive what life has to offer us at any given moment. This practice will bring us the greatest peace in our lives.
Learn how receiving someone’s criticism, anger or frustration, without shame or blame, so no matter what someone has to say to you, it will never destroy your inner peace or leave you ungrounded and break your peacefulness.
Develop a practice in the art of listening so you can receive and hear what someone has to say instead of listening to respond.

31 Dec 2018

Entering The New Year in Thailand – December 31, 2018

by Maurice | posted in: Adventure, Love, Relationship, Sabbatical, Spiritual, The Human Condition | 0

It’s a glorious day here on Pattaya Beach. Spending New Year’s Eve morning at Laguna Beach resort at the pool and soaking in some sun before I go to the beach. It’s been such a wonderful time thus far here in Thailand and I’m looking forward to more exploration of this beautiful country.

After 3 ½ months of travel I still sometimes I feel like I’m not doing enough or seeing enough or taking advantage of what life has to offer when I’m in new places. It’s quite the spin that my mind can get me into when I don’t allow myself the time to just be and realize that I’m never going to see it all or do everything. It’s when this way of being comes into my awareness I know it’s time for me to get still so I can listen to the spirit within me. When I allow myself to do just that I’m always amazed the peace that comes over me in the acceptance of myself and what is.

Here I sit at the beach after about 10 days in Thailand on the eve of the new year and I read the fakebook and others writing about their new years resolution’s. I’ve never really been a resolution-ary. If there’s some change that I wanted to put into place in my life, I didn’t need the new year to make it happen. At the same time, I understand how new beginnings can make us reflect on our past and see how we might want to make a shift in our lives, to do something differently, to become the people we are meant to be, to realize our true nature. Whew… that was a mouthful. ????

I’ve always wanted to take some time off work and travel like this. Without having an itinerary and landing some place and seeing where interests/spirit/people/life takes me. And here I am doing it. I’ve always been the “different” one, even my mother has asked me since I’ve been young “why do you have to do these things or say things like that?”. I really have not allowed people or the culture to dictate to me what’s acceptable. I have gotten myself into some controversy in my work and in my relationships because I do things differently.

What’s next for me then? Don’t worry, I’m not suddenly going to align myself with mainstream cultural norms. Although, I will consider what might be next for me, especially when I arrive back home. But in the meantime, the new year is upon us and I contemplate and wonder as I sit with the breeze from the Gulf of Thailand in my face.

Self-Care…
I LOVE the pleasures that are brought to the body… food, massage, the smells of my garden and sometimes I can go a bit overboard and make the wrong choices eating and drinking. I want to be more conscious in the choices I make for my body.

Service Work…
I believe it’s important to be of service to humanity. Getting involved with the Portland food council was my latest volunteer interest. I will continue to offer myself to Hospice work when needed and there’s a good match. And I will be the best teacher, coach and mentor that I can be to my students.

Relationships…
One of the questions we get asked upon our death is “How well did you love?”. What does it mean to “love well” in our relationships today? I’m not just talking about the love you find in Eros or erotic love… I’m talking about all the ways we love… from affectionate friendship (philia), to playful (ludus), to self (philautia) and selfless (agape) love. I will continue to make the commitment to learn and practice what it means to love well in all my relationships.

Vision/Seeing to End Suffering in Myself and Others…
The Buddha’s insight, in its concentrated form, is found in the Four Noble Truths (ariyasacca). They are the truth of suffering (dukkha), the causes of suffering (samudhaya) the method to end suffering (nirodh), and the Noble Eightfold Path that leads to the cessation of suffering (magga). The only thing that creates misery are my own thoughts, and those thoughts are the beginnings to actions. I will continue to practice my own seeing/vision of people in their perfection and know that any aversion is creating my own suffering.

I’d love to hear from you and what your commitments, intentions are for the new year.

Happy New Year Ya’ll!

29 Dec 2018

You Can Live Life The Way You Want – Pattaya, Thailand – December 27 – 29, 2018

by Maurice | posted in: Adventure, Personal Growth, Relationship, Sabbatical, The Human Condition | 0

I found that it typically takes me 3-5 days to really settle into a new place after I move from one town to another and even to one country to another. To find my way around the streets, make a few friends, find the good local eats and return to my center. Every place is unique and has different things to offer. There isn’t a good or bad judgement, maybe a personal preference but I make every attempt to not judge. We are all the same and wanting the same things in life… food, shelter and love.

I’ve tried to avoid the bigger cities during my travel. It’s a personal preference. Here I am in Pattaya, Thailand after 8 days in Bangkok and, once again, learning so much. I did all these things in Bangkok that I would consider more “western” in nature. Dining out in restaurants. Going on the air conditioned Ferris wheel at Asiatique The Riverfront, Rooftop Bars, looking at possibly buying a new swiss watch that they don’t sell the size I want in the USA… so I spent a little more money than I anticipated. In all honesty, I’m a little bit “temple’d” out, of visiting the thousands of Hindu and Buddhist temples in this part of the world.

After a few days of this, it’s time to find the local markets, the street food and where the locals eat. They are a little bit hard to find because there is no real internet listings or advertising for these places. I ask around and use google translate and find my way around. Patience is the key and using people that can help translate when possible. I was done with the consumerism and “dining” in restaurants. It’s back to learning the local customs, culture and foods.

I did say back to the local customs, huh? Oh… Pattaya, Thailand… Miles and miles of beaches and consumerism where people come from all over the world to soak up the sun. Or do they? C’mon, you know what I’m talking about. One of, if not the biggest, sex tourism capitals of the world. You can really get whatever you would like here. You can buy your way to all the physical pleasures the body has to offer, you can eat at fine dining restaurants and you can also do what I’m doing… trying to live in the local culture, customs and foods.

Once again, this time is different. How? Because Thailand is what they call a “developing” country. There are elements of western capitalism and industrialization here. Thailand is a place that was never “occupied” and taken over by big brutes of countries like the British or the United States. And yet there are big influences here that come from these countries as their military personnel came here to Thailand for R&R during war time and were catered to by the locals. Think about it… From WWII, to Korean War, to Vietnam, that’s many years of influence.

As I sit here at a coffee shop on Beach Road it starts to rain, and as people duck in to stay dry I meet someone from India, someone from Germany. People come from all over the world to Pattaya and they also come for all kinds of different reasons. You can stay in dorm room hostels for $4US a night, low end hotels for $10, beach resorts for $20 (where I am) and high-end hotels for $300. You can dine at high end restaurants and pay western pricing and you can eat street food for a few bucks US.

Something that has taken me a little bit to get used to once again is how “transactional” things are in this part of the world. Just like when I was in India and Nepal, everything is negotiated. When I want to go get a Thai massage and wanted it from an experienced massage therapist I had to negotiate my way through all the other “massage” possibilities hidden in the parlors. When I go to the markets and want to buy a t-shirt and there are no price tags listed I must negotiate. There are times where things are more straightforward than others. There are times when people see the color of my skin and charge me more money than the locals, even when I was with a local helping me get the best pricing. There are a few stores you can go to where the prices are labelled on items, like at the grocery store.

Trying to find a family homestay like when I was in India and Nepal isn’t the same here in Thailand. Airbnb here is the same way as in the USA. Self-check in and where I get curious. Here is something that I learned… there is this slang word, “farang” … very often the word is used in a derogatory or resentful manner, when a Westerner has overstepped the bounds of admissible conduct or has done something that brings shame to Thailand or its people. A taxi driver educated me in this terminology. I get looked at differently. When I was in the markets I could hear the word being used when people saw me walking around. And yet, it is the farang that is responsible for a lot of the economy here. This is part of the reason why there is no real “homestay” opportunities.

Another piece of information that I have come across here is there are a lot of “deadbeat” dad’s. Meaning, fathers who have left their families and have never returned and are not helping support their children. And there isn’t a government or policy that will go after these men like they have in the states. This leaves women really concerned about their financial lively hood and very standoffish when it comes to love relationships in the future. So, the “transaction” continues in love relationships here in Thailand, at the market and in the selling of sex on the street.

Wat to do? (I love that expression now) How to align yourself/myself to foreign cultures such as this here in Pattaya?

The thing that I’m beginning to appreciate about Thailand is that you can come here and do what you like and how you like to do it. The only thing that will keep you from doing what you want to be doing and hold you back from doing it is yourself.

You can’t blame the outside world anymore. It’s all inside you to do.

What’s holding you back from doing what YOU want to be doing … and being who you want to be?

25 Dec 2018

Bangkok, Thailand – December 19 – 24, 2018

by Maurice | posted in: Adventure, Cooking Advice, Photos, Sabbatical | 0

During the last 3+ months of my travel through India and Nepal I was staying at Airbnb’s of families who were cooking daily for the family and making regular trips to the markets for fresh food. I participated in purchasing food and in the preparation. I was lucky that the family had “staff” there to clean after the meals. The hospitality is a little different in the Airbnb culture here in Bangkok. People are renting their spaces and do not engage much with their guests, providing food and companionship as I have experienced in the past. Every culture has its different way of engaging with tourists (more on this later).

Everywhere I was staying, I made sure I experienced the street food, the most popular foods in the area and the local markets in all the places I was staying. I wanted to see the real cultural foods in the areas and learn how to cook them. In India, I learned what a “curry” is and the differences from the north and the south and why they are different. I learned how simple cooking Indian food really is and how complex I was making it when I was trying to teach myself back in the USA.

Now it’s time for Thailand. By the way… yes, I am seeing the city, some of the major attractions and some of the temples and I will write about them later. It’s just that the local traditions, food culture and Buddhism is way more interesting to me…

Woah! … Things are MUCH cleaner here. Street food is WAY more sanitary in this part of Asia than in India and Nepal. Cleanliness is next to godliness, oh yea! I’ve been eating like crazy since I’ve been here. Fresh fruit juices – Passion-fruit, orange, guava with NO sugar added YAYYY! Pad Thai every day. I want to learn “curry” from Thailand. Greed, Red, Yellow and Masaman curry and how those pastes are made and noodles… one of my favorite things. Where to learn?

I was learning from the locals in India and Nepal… and I want to learn from the locals here.

In Bangkok… in the big city… well… that’s not really happening. There are plenty of commercial and professional classes for big money but that’s not what I want to be doing. I do have a couple of leads here I’m following here in Bangkok though. I have a possible lead with someone who provides lunches for business people. Sort of like a personal chef. We shall see where that goes. I think that when I go up north in Chaing Mai there will be more opportunity. We shall see.

In the meantime, I’m visiting the markets. OH, MY, GOD… the food. The good, clean and absolutely gorgeous food. Watching them make fresh coconut milk. The live fish and prawns in tanks. All the Thai ingredients… the curry pastes, fruits/veg, rice noodles/papers… all fresh fresh fresh!!! WOW! I want to buy everything and cook. Yet, I’m not sure what to do with some of it. I’m trying to have patience and investigate where I can go and learn and to create what I want. Patience young Jedi!

I decided on Saturday to go to the Chatuchak weekend market. One of the largest markets in the world. It’s a little funny for me to go because I’m not really a shopper, I just wanted to see the hoopla. What I didn’t know what that across the street was Or Tor Kor, rated one of the best fresh markets in the world that I just stumbled across. After only two days in Thailand it was wonderful to walk through and see all the local items. The problem was that nobody spoke English. I spent about an hour trying to see who might speak English to no avail. On my way out of the market I stopped to look inside a shop and low and behold someone spoke English. That’s where I found my first possible contact to learn authentic thai cooking.

Yesterday (Sunday) was a day for the books. I met a Thai local who invited to take me to the morning market (6am) at Wat Klang Bang Kaew and the Lam Phaya floating market in Nakhon Pathom about a 60-90min drive from Bangkok. I was getting some really funny looks from the locals, being the only “white” person around… I was even looking for other “white westerners” and couldn’t find any except for a moment when one tour came through the floating market in the afternoon. I was getting what I wanted, a real local experience. I got some major lessons from a Thai local about Buddhism, why the locals buy live fish from the market and them release them back into the water, and some of the local foods. There was a little language barrier and we used google translate to try to bridge that gap.

Once again… all I wanted to do is buy everything and eat everything. If I ever wanted to have a bulimic eating disorder it was this day. From 6am it was food everything. Starting with a traditional bowl of Thai breakfast… porridge, meatballs, liver, poached egg, pork belly and something crispy on top. Thai charcuterie, sweets, and, yes, more pad thai. We took a boat ride down the river and it was narrated in Thai and because of the language barrier with my new friends, I did not get any of it. Oh well ????.

I had a few moments during this day where I felt I was in some kind of dreamland. To be in this place, with these people, being treated so kindly, around all of these fabulous foods… I had gone to heaven. Of all the countries I have visited in the world so far… I think I found the place I could easily live.

I’ve been here in Bangkok for 5 days and its now Christmas. I’m exhausted. My feet hurt from walking 10-15km a day. I need a different pair of walking shoes; my keens just aren’t cutting it for this amount of walking. And this morning I’m going to Khlong Toei, yet another morning market with my host family to purchase the food we will be cooking tonight for a traditional Thai Christmas dinner. Stay tuned…

Merry Christmas 2018!

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