I sit here on Kay and Jilly’s farm in Yasothon, Thailand after a week on the farm. A week of slowing down, getting back in touch with the land and allowing the body to adjust to the heartbeat of nature. The plants get watered, the chickens and geese get fed, the chicks are hatching from the eggs, watching the papayas and bananas ripening and making roselle hibiscus tea and aloe vera juice. Making trips into town for food for the humans and for the animals. It’s a pace of life I’ve always been able to easily settle into and one I prefer over the city life.
When I have been given the chance to spend some significant time with people during my travels I always ask a lot of questions about their lives. I want to know about people’s joys and struggles and how they are able to overcome life’s obstacles to put the joy back in their lives. Suffering, pain, and misery exist in life is the first truth in a doctrine called the Four Noble Truths in Buddhism. Nobody can escape from dealing with life’s struggles no matter where you are in the world. We are all the same human beings.
Every morning at the farm I sit at the table with Kay after eating breakfast “solving the world’s problems” while Jilly waters the plants. When I tell him we are solving the world’s problems, he smiles at us and asks when he will be seeing the results. Kay and I converse about the depths of life’s trials and tribulations… from the struggles of growing up as children in the families that we did, to our relationships, to children, to societal norms and structure, and most importantly… we offer each other’s wisdom on how we can become more accepting and how we have been able to become accepting… of whatever life brings to us.
While sharing some of our life experiences with each other, I realized how real we think all of our struggles are, and it’s only the stories around them that are different. Our struggles are all the same as each other… not getting the love we think we deserve, stories from the past that we cannot let go of, family of origin, judgment, betrayal, loneliness, addiction, oppression, and all the others that you can think of. Our ego wants to think that we are the only ones that suffer like we do.
One thing we need to ask ourselves when sitting with our perceived suffering is… are we living the most productive, passionate and loving lives we can possibly live, given the resources and knowledge that we currently have. You might be surprised at the answers you get. And most importantly, accepting ourselves right where we are in that moment, being curious, allowing life to unfold and be revealed to us.
Of course, the mind or the ego, will have something to say when outcomes don’t go the way we think they should have turned out or when unplanned change happens unexpectedly. There’s nothing like traveling to unfamiliar cultures and countries that has provided me the opportunity to go with the flow. At times I have gotten upset thinking things should be different and in a short amount of time, I’ve realized how pointless that is and I would only be making myself miserable should I choose to continue to be upset.
It really doesn’t matter the country which we originate from or the political system that we are in. It doesn’t even matter the faith or religion that we were brought up with or converted to. Being human and dealing with the trials and tribulations of the human condition does not care what race, color, culture or creed we are from.
The solutions to our struggles are universal. The answer is being able to weather all the storms, individually and together, that will help us grow to get through times of darkness. Because the light is always on the other side. It’s easy to lose focus during the moments of suffering and not be able to see the bigger picture and remember to have faith that there is light on the other side.
A Chinese, Jew, Arabian, Thai, Australian, Hindu, Tibetan all go camping together. They all bring with them their religious teachings, country of origin, family upbringing, traditions, beliefs and personal value systems. Everyone wears their traditional dress and carries the books of their religious teachings… The Qur’an, The Old Testament, The New Testament,The Bhagavad Gita, The Buddhavacana and The Kangyur.
Everyone is reminded, as they sit around the campsite and introduce themselves to each other, that they all have been victims of suppression and fighting for their rights. Everyone’s ancestors had been exposed to discrimination in the past due to people thinking they were better than the other or the land they were on was thought to belong to them. Separation, hierarchy and protection between the people was a normal way of being.
There was a shared intention for everyone to put aside the challenges of the past and find the commonalities in each other’s existence.
As dinner is getting ready to be served, everyone takes their turn going through their own unique rituals of saying “grace”. Blessing the food and each other, the abundance of life and love, and being grateful for this opportunity to be together. They sit around the table sharing their prayers and blessings with everyone listening attentively and respectfully, learning and appreciating as everyone takes their turn.
Following dinner, as the sun was setting it was prayer/meditation/pooja time. There were different faiths and religions represented and everyone had a different way to pray or to meditate or to ask for thanks. Some people also took a shower, some people went for a walk, some people had extended their meditated and prayed time. And yet, everyone’s theme was the same. Praying for a peaceful life, for their children and family members to be healthy and happy and be prosperous in their lives.
As people were bringing their individual prayer/meditation sessions to a close, everyone worked side by side to help each other set up camp, pitch their tents and put their things away before they gathered as a group for the evening. The sun was continuing to set and more prayers to end the day were being said.
Everyone gathered around the campfire to share something about their tradition they thought were similar teachings for all the traditions they were surrounded by. People shared messages of loving kindness, listening to your heart, doing gods work, being at peace, extending love, discipline and practice, meditation and prayer, ritual, acknowledging the seasons, giving back to the world and many more. There was no discussion or talking about how one tradition was better than another or how god may have chosen one people over another.
That evening, there was a conversation going on where everyone was realizing how we all want the same things. Food, shelter, love and understanding. This was a time for everyone to put aside the challenges of the past and find the commonalities in each other’s existence. That all people want safety and security for our futures and how impossible that is because of the law of nature. Everyone there knew how we needed to become at peace with the unpredictability and impermanence of life to appreciate the present moment and what each other has to give.
It was clear in a short amount of time that something else was evolving out of their time together. They recognized there was suffering and pain from the past that they did not want to hold on to anymore, and to release any blame and victimization. The mistakes made from previous generations were passed down as learning opportunities that were being applied to current times to be used for good and not for separation.
There is an opportunity for all of us today to evolve love. We are getting the chance to progress. To progress past our ego and culture center into a more world consciousness by bringing all the great traditions together. Let’s take all of the best teachings from the great traditions that have been passed down to each of us and bring them together to rewrite them into a new code of morals, ethics and love.
I am getting to personally experience the full range of culture and religion here in Asia as I have been given the opportunity to stay with kind, generous and beautiful people and their families for extended periods of time. From Hinduism and Catholicism in India and Nepal, and from Buddhism and Muslim in Thailand. I’ve also gotten to see how foreign countries and their people have affected the native cultures in the countries I am visiting.
There is another narrative at play that I wanted to bring attention to by writing this story.
This post might be a little long. I’ve been away from my computer for a week and have made some heart-warming connections in the last 10 days with lovely local Thailand folks that I want to write about. I’m currently sitting on a farm located in a town called Yasothon, Thailand, in Issan, Thailand’s largest region. This regions economy is based on agriculture where sticky rice is 60% of what they grow. This is the hot season, yesterday it got to 95F with a low of 63F at night. It gets as hot as 107F come April.
What does it mean “To Give Life” … to be “Live Giving”?
Having the power of providing sustenance, spirit or life.
That gives or can give life
Strengthening; refreshing; inspiring
After a bit of a challenging time in Chiang Mai, Thailand, I sat wondering what might be next for me in this country. I thought I wasn’t having the genuine and authentic experience that I truly wanted inside Thailand like I did with the home-stays family’s in India and Nepal and I was getting myself ready to possibly head to Cambodia. I surrendered into whatever was meant to be for me here in Thailand, whatever it was. Then, something happened…
KayMoo Kee Mao
In the process of trusting the universe (god), and my surrender into whatever is meant to unfold for me being perfect whatever it is, I was invited to visit the home of “Kay”, a personal chef in Bangkok and to visit the family of a new friend Purada, who I now call “Moo Kee Mao” (my Thailand version of Mickey Mouse) in Nakhon Pathom. Both with the intent of having an authentic Thailand experience with food and real people. I have been speaking/SMS messaging with these women for over a month and haven’t been able to connect with them except for a one day visit to Moo at the floating market in Nakhon Pathom the first week I had arrived in Thailand where she proceeded to get sick from all the eathing and activity.
… something for me had shifted.
Back to Bangkok
I made my way to Kay’s home in Bangkok following my time in Chiang Mai. Kay is from Chinese descent and a Muslim woman married for about 30 years with 4 children. When I first arrived, I was invited to sit and have tea and a conversation. The topics took a ride all on their own, from religion to education to relationship to spirituality to family to personal values to love to many many others. Three hours went by and it felt like 10 minutes. It was like I found a long-lost friend or sibling and we were picking up where we left off. Then we realized that we wanted to cook together and began pulling things out of the refrigerator to cook for dinner.
Spending time with Kay was a reminder and confirmation of all who I am in the world being reflected right back to me. And vice versa. That we are to be listening to our hearts, doing good for each other, being of service to humanity and putting life back into others that seem to be struggling with themselves. We were sharing both of our chosen positive world views we each learned from our study and from our personal life experiences as we were holding each other in the highest positive regard. All of our conversations around our beliefs systems included and transcended any religious dogma or faith.
Oh, wait… cooking… that’s right… Kay and I originally began our conversation around matters of cooking. Isn’t that the same thing that cooking does? Cooking brings people together to find commonalities with each other, accepting our differences and seeing the good in each other! Providing each other with life’s sustenance and spiritual truths, helping guide us into enjoying our lives and allowing others do the same. In short… life-giving.
We proceeded to cook the things that were in Kay’s refrigerator… Mackerel, lotus trunk, green papaya salad and grass jelly with corn. Kay’s pantry is filled with all the spices, bottled sauces and everything you may need to cook. We sat and enjoyed dinner together and planned what might me happening in the days to come.
I get a message from Kay a couple of days later after she completed 1000 pieces of baking sausage stuffed buns and banana muffins she was contracted to make for a government funded disability center with 500 beds. She invited me to join her for the day. At first, I was thinking I would take the day to rest after two days of walking around all day in Bangkok. Then Kay invited me a second time. She has such a way with her words that motivated me to get my ass out of bed and get to her place.
I accompanied Kay to Phrapradaeng Protection and Development Home for Persons with Disabilities and witnessed how they treated the people there, the cleanliness of the facility and of course I compared that in my mind to the facilities I have been to in the USA. Even though there are a lot of rules and restrictions in the USA for nursing home / assisted living facilities, I felt this facility was far superior than ones I’ve been to in the USA. For the most part, people working there were happy and wanted to be serving the people living there and you could see that in the vibrancy of the people they were serving. In this part of the world people definitely treat their elders with more dignity and respect than we seem to do in the USA. To Give Life!
We spent the rest of the day going through the markets, so I could ask the questions about items that I have not been able to get answers to. And winding up at IconSiam, a “westernized” mall on the waterfront that showcases the wonderful food and crafts of Thailand. In all honesty, Kay was interested in seeing the high society toilet bidet in the bathrooms at IconSiam and it was a bonus that I was able to see and experience that place.
The following day we had a full day planned of cooking and going to the market for provisions. Some of the problem is that we could just talk for hours and hours and we had to make ourselves stop talking so we could actually get something done. In the meantime, we were able to cook Pad C-U, Pad Thai, Tom Yum, Grilled Beef, Kao Thai Kaoi Kai and Chu-Chee. It was a long day of cooking and everyone got a chance to experience life through nourishment.
Nakhon Pathom
The following day I was on my way to Nakhon Pathom to meet a new friend Moo and her family. After being invited by her to get a tour of the morning market and the floating market a month before, she had invited me to her home for me to be welcomed into her family and have a real Thailand experience and to cook with her ex-husbands mother. As Moo would say… she was willing to do for me.
I arrived in Nakhon Pathom on Friday morning after very little sleep and still a full belly from all the cooking (and eating) the night before. We immediately went through the market to get the raw materials we would need to cook that day. Moo took the day off from work and wanted to be home to be with her 9yr old son and 2yr old daughter. I was really happy, even ecstatic, to be welcomed in to be part of the family.
We spent the rest of the morning walking the land, talking and hammocking, playing with her cute 2yr old and harvesting food from the land to be used to cook with… Banana flower, galanga, lemongrass, taro root, mangos, papaya, guava, jackfruit, kaffir lime, Thai basil and some other leafy greens that I cannot remember the names of. Moo has lived here all 42 years of her life with her family and harvesting from the land. Her parents passed away only a few years ago and she is living there with her sister, her sisters’ friend, her 2 children and her ex-husbands mother.
After dinner we went to a first annual carnival at the Buddhist temple. It was very crowded and extremely loud. I have never heard sound so loud like that before. I wondered why, was it a rave? There were no other white skinned foreigners there that I could find. I had my first taste of freshly friend grasshoppers, crickets and other insects. They had rides for the children with no seatbelts or safety mechanisms or fences to keep people from hitting their heads on the rides spinning around in circles. I told Moo… these Buddhist monks know how to throw a party even if there is no alcohol or drugs there and only gambling and loud music. <smiles> Thailand can be such a contradiction in itself, to me sometimes at least.
We spent the next two days in a regular routine. 6am to the morning market to give food to the monks, to release live fish (Buddhist practice of giving life), drinking coffee and eating breakfast, have morning heart speaks complete with laughter and tears, and provision for the days cooking program. Back home to play with the children and to cook.
The menu over the weekend included Lard Na (Wide Noodles in gravy), Nam Ya (Thai Minced Fish Curry), Khau Tom Mad (Sticky Rice and Thai Bananas wrapped in banana leaf), Nam Prik (Spicy Thai Dipping Sauce), Pad See Ew (Stir Fried Noodles), Pad Kee Mao (Drunken Noodles), Prik Nam Pao (Red Chili Paste), Thai Banana Flower and Pad Kra Pao (Pork and Holy Basil Stir Fry). I will record the recipes and pictures separately from this writing.
Having small children (9-year-old boy and 2-year-old girl) in the house also provided me an opportunity to see another place where “giving life” plays out and how people orient themselves around the children as children represent life’s potential for everyone around them to receive. Children have such a beautiful way of bringing hope, goodness, innocence and simplicity and breathing life into our every day existence. Even if you don’t speak their language.
Being around the elder in a family is also a gift to receive. In the culture here in Asia, the families live together and value the wisdom in their elders. While in the USA we push our children out at age 18 to make a life for themselves and put our elders in nursing homes so parents can get their lives back. Moo’s ex’s mother knew so much about the land and the food produced by the land, is helping with child care, bringing generations of cooking wisdom to me and thriving in her own life doing what she wants to be doing surrounded by the life in her family. It was even wonderful for me to be made fun of and be the source of humor as “the foreigner” who does things differently than them.
It was a wonderful 4 days/3 nights with Moo Kee Mau and her family. I received so much care, kindness, generosity and love from them. As I write this, tears come to my eyes… the impermanence in life… to receive such love and life from complete strangers and then having to leave, say so long, and wondering when we will see each other again as I move along on my journey back to Bangkok and through other countries in Asia and Indonesia.
Yasothon
After such a wonderful time with Kay in Bangkok and feeling like I made a lifelong connection, Kay and her husband Jilly invited me to spend some time on their farm in Yasothon, Thailand, about a 7 hour drive from Bangkok. I had just met Kay who invited me into her home and now was invited to the family’s farm home in the country. We were talking about this in the car. Should I be the one to be nervous and scared? Because I am not. I think we know when people are operating from their hearts. It doesn’t take much time at all to see people’s intent. I feel extremely blessed to have met Kay and Jilly and be invited along with them… even when we do fight over who will pay the bill for the food at the market. <smiles> I need to get more insistent about that.
A message came through that one of their friend’s mother passed away and there is a funeral the following day. I was invited to come along to experience a Buddhist funeral. At first, I wasn’t sure about going. It was a 5hr round trip drive… I wasn’t part of the family… I was a foreigner… I was behind on my writing… I wasn’t getting time by myself… blah blah blah! Kay has a way with her words and I was convinced to go. I was reminded that I asked for a real Thailand experience and here was a chance to see a Buddhist death ritual at a temple in the countryside of Thailand. I’m so glad I went.
So here I sit the following morning feeling the temperature rise into the mid 90’s after a nice sleeping night with temperatures in the mid 60’s and much better air quality than in Bangkok. The three of us cook together, work together, talk about anything and everything under the sun and it is a very peaceful, caring and loving time here.
It’s sometimes hard to believe how the three of us have such differences in our countries and religions of origin and yet we all have extremely similar views of how to live life, extend love and being happy. I’ll spare you all the conversations about god that we have for the time being. I am continually blessed beyond any stretch of my imagination. Being given life is taking on a completely different meaning with the foundation staying the same. (S.M.Q., you’d love this)
Giving life and love is a reciprocating process when done well between people. It is a place where we need to receive what others have to give and not get stuck in only giving or receiving. I needed to allow these people to offer themselves, their lives and homes to me and to just receive them. Letting go of any idea I had in my head of Thailand being “trans-actional”. At the same time, I was giving of my own life and my own life’s experience… providing an opportunity for sharing a different perspective when entering a strangers home, being allowed to purchase the food for all the meals and sharing of myself wherever I could… all the while receiving everyone else’s generous hospitality.
I learned how much I like to give and how I need to allow others to give to me without feeling obligated to do anything in return. If someone (including me) has an issue or hidden agenda in their giving where there is an expectation to receive something back, then it is not truly giving from the heart. I like to call it… Giving from a closed fist.
In conclusion, the giving of life can show up in many different ways. Whether its in the form of sitting with people sharing and giving of ourselves so someone can be free from their suffering. Life giving actions can be in the form of performing service work people who are less privileged than we are. Giving of life can also be in the form of nourishment while we put our hearts and love into our food that other people will consume which will provide them sustenance in life.
Life is a rich journey. Have trust and faith that life is unfolding perfectly for you, not allowing your ego to decide differently and that the universe (god) will provide everything that you need.
What are some of the obstacles that get in your way from trusting and having faith that the universe (god) will provide for you?
There is so much to this topic. After I wrote part 1, I realized there was a part 2 to all this… and most likely a part 3, 4, etc. as things unfold over time and travels. Different cultures have different ways of cooking/eating together. I’m trying not to have a preference or a judgment about it and only report what it is that I’m finding.
Yesterday on a one hour walk from where I am staying into Silom, Bangkok, I came across an area where there is an outdoor market and a bunch of restaurants with mostly locals and no tourists. One of my favorite places to be. It was around lunchtime and was full of hustle and bustle. Most of the food items cost around B25-B75 (about $0.75 – $2.00) depending on the kind of meat protein in the items. Meat is the more expensive item, rather than the vegetables. Yes, the USA still has it backwards. I made a note to stop back through this area again when I was ready to eat… today was that day.
I walk into this restaurant where there are all locals eating. Students in their school uniform and aeronautical students with their epaulettes. I got a smile from one of the cooks which I find a rare occasion, so I stepped in and looked at the 9-item menu and decided to stay. I just so happened to order the most popular item on the menu… a pork-based soup… it was described to me as Pad Thai Soup. I’m really loving the noodle bowls here even in the hot weather.
It was my lucky day. The restaurant cleared out and I was the only one left inside finishing my meal. I looked around and mentioned to the owner, Burt, that maybe I should leave because having a foreigner in his place might not be good business. He spoke English fairly well and told me I was OK. I began asking him some questions about himself, how long he’s been in business, how long his employees have worked for him, standardizing recipes and his educational background.
I received some really great data from Burt that affirmed what I have been experiencing around Bangkok, Pattaya, and Chiang Mai. That there isn’t much home cooking going on here and most people are eating outside of the home. People are meeting their friends and family outside of the home and the sense of community and belonging is happening in these market places and street food “restaurants”. These places are full of people all the time and there are a lot of unique items to purchase interspersed between the many of the same old typical Thai food items. You just have to know what to look for or hear by word of mouth.
Even as I sit here writing this in a mall full of westernized restaurants, I am surrounded by locals pulling out plastic bags full of street food. Here in Bangkok, you can buy a cup of coffee on the street for $0.75US or you can go to Starbucks and spend the $3.00US. You can go to a restaurant and spend the $7US for the same item you can get at the street food market for $2US. Burger King and McDonald’s are more expensive than the Thai street food. It’s cheaper to eat street food than it is to cook it yourself.
Another thing I am finding is in regards to my Airbnb home-stays here in Thailand. Not every home has what we would call a formal kitchen, with a stove, oven, ventilation, hot water system, etc.. If a room has sink with running water, a refrigerator and a microwave, it is called a kitchen here. Most of the places I have stayed in have a one burner electric induction cook-top, a microwave and a refrigerator if they say they have a kitchen.
With all this in mind from part 1 and here in part 2, how would you deduce where Thailand’s culture of cooking lies? Where are the people here building their sense of community belonging around cooking? It’s been a fascinating investigation for me and one that has taken some time to figure out. I’ve needed to spend some time here, meeting people and having the necessary conversations in order to find the authentic home cooking experience which I am now exploring this week. It’s possible I have been looking in the wrong places, or I had some expectation it was going to look a certain way, or how it needed to look… a false idea of an outcome of sorts.
You definitely can find families who are cooking but, most of what I am finding is that people generally are eating the wonderful street food, together on the street, or bringing it home… “take away”. When people are cooking at home, the items are simple to prepare, with local readily available ingredients. It’s way too hot here to cook for long periods of time. It’s amazing to see how easy it is to cook the foods they are making on the street, Pad Thai, Pad C-U, Noodle bowls, Mango & Sticky Rice, Roast Red Pork/Duck
I can get a little bit confused about all this because I think I may need more time here in Thailand to get the experience I that might be truly there for me which comes out of building relationships. I think about what I would be like in a country where there has been a revolving door of people coming through. Where a lot of these people would not give back to the country and the people by making an investment of their own resources and heart. Only taking the resources and acting in a way that would benefit only themselves. It takes time to cultivate and nurture new relationships and to build trust with people to have them open their homes to you here. And understandably so based on the history of the culture.
In conclusion… I’m getting the experience I surely need here in Thailand. I’m incredibly grateful to the people who have opened up their hearts to me, and in some cases their homes (Heather, Pratima, Purada, Kay, LekNoy). This has been a rich and powerful experience which will have lasting effects on me for the rest of my life.
I sit here on Kay and Jilly’s farm in Yasothon, Thailand after a week on the farm. A week of slowing down, getting back in touch with the land and allowing the body to adjust to the heartbeat of nature. The plants get watered, the chickens and geese get fed, the chicks are hatching from the eggs, watching the papayas and bananas ripening and making roselle hibiscus tea and aloe vera juice. Making trips into town for food for the humans and for the animals. It’s a pace of life I’ve always been able to easily settle into and one I prefer over the city life.
Every morning at the farm I sit at the table with Kay after eating breakfast “solving the world’s problems” while Jilly waters the plants. When I tell him we are solving the world’s problems, he smiles at us and asks when he will be seeing the results. Kay and I converse about the depths of life’s trials and tribulations… from the struggles of growing up as children in the families that we did, to our relationships, to children, to societal norms and structure, and most importantly… we offer each other’s wisdom on how we can become more accepting and how we have been able to become accepting… of whatever life brings to us.
One thing we need to ask ourselves when sitting with our perceived suffering is… are we living the most productive, passionate and loving lives we can possibly live, given the resources and knowledge that we currently have. You might be surprised at the answers you get. And most importantly, accepting ourselves right where we are in that moment, being curious, allowing life to unfold and be revealed to us.
It really doesn’t matter the country which we originate from or the political system that we are in. It doesn’t even matter the faith or religion that we were brought up with or converted to. Being human and dealing with the trials and tribulations of the human condition does not care what race, color, culture or creed we are from.
