Outrageous Love Letter #2

I am yoursThere is no end to our beginning, the pouring sweat and tears is ours, the pleasure is ours.

Not for anyone to own or claim as theirs.

We ride the waves of bliss and the depths of desire unfulfilled as we explore what it might be like exploring each others pleasures.

I surrender my manhood into your woman…as your womanhood becomes my man.

The thoughts of my hands palpitating all the secret places on your body leave me craving more of your being.

I want to find the little treasures which make you scream in ecstasy.

My body craves your touch…please, PLEASE, PLEASE show me the way to find God…

…show me how to surrender into the pure love you bring to me.

You are the path and you are the one who can show me the way…and I will follow you.

Show me the way.

Speaking Your Truth – Without Shame or Blame

How many times have you sat with your thoughts about loving someone, or some negative event regarding someone and were afraid to tell that person because of the fear of being judged, rejected, not being heard or just wanting to avoid the conflict altogether? Coming up with the courage to speak from an open heart, using compassionate communication in order to speak your truth is a big feat for most of us who have not had a lot of practice. My invitation is not to wait to begin to practice.

nonviolent communication principlesWhat does “compassionate communication” really mean? It means not to point the fingers at someone else, blaming them for your feelings. It means not to shame the other person for what they may have done to create those feelings inside of you, communicate your feelings and own them as yours. It means to not get defensive around a certain position you are taking and to express what you may need to support the value/philosophy you believe in. The nonviolent communication process is a great way to learn how not to shame or blame the other for how you feel, take responsibility for your own feelings and be able to communicate them.

Going into the communication process without holding onto ideas of any outcome should also be an important part of the process. When we hold onto a position, specifically, a position that we think is the right or correct position, we destroy the relationship. Being open to possibilities within the realm of communication keeps the relationship in the forefront and not the idea that we have to be right.

How about receiving others’ communication? While I strive for compassionate communication and loving speech, I know I do not hit the mark 100% of the time and neither will other people. Being able to receive others’ difficult communications is also an art, especially when they are failing at compassionate communication and loving speech. This doesn’t mean that you have to accept the blaming, finger pointing or shaming which is coming your way by getting defensive. One way to deal with it is to understand that someone is either communicating with loving speech or showing you where they are hurt when they communicate in a non-compassionate way. Trying to separate the two has helped me sit in the discomfort when I’m receiving someone’s hurt feelings.

Being aware and present to what communication is happening right in the moment leaves us no other alternative than to accept each other and what is going on right then and there. Resisting what is happening in the moment actually prevents change from happening later. Trying to manipulate and change each other is what keeps relationships stuck. We see that happiness and love can appear naturally…so can pain. Part of compassion is being able to allow things to happen on their own terms, despite our preference. What we discover, to our dismay, is that our communication inside intimate relationships are just as mixed and messy as anything out there in the world.

What I am inviting here is the possibility for communication which requires compassion above feelings of comfort or love. This requires a disciplined effort to stay open hearted to the mixed emotions in all of our communications together.
Paulo Neruda Quote

Vulnerability in “Sexing”

posted in: Sex, Vulnerability 0

Vulnerability…what does it mean? It means getting outside the protective ego and exposing your weaknesses and your desires in the face of being destroyed. If you want to have great sex and experience intimacy, a willingness to be sexually vulnerable is a must.

sex_2745614kFirst, physically, you are vulnerable. The man, has his phallus exposed, the woman is open, physically open to penetration. The man, if gay is physically open to penetration in a different way and there is enormous physical vulnerability. Physical vulnerability and all of the armor we use to protect ourselves is not at play.

Secondly, there is enormous emotional vulnerability…why? Because when you step outside of the controlling ego, outside of the place of control there is a whole other realm. In this realm, there is vulnerability with possibility of being rejected, criticized, abandoned or any of our favorite fears. Ego obliteration. Totally Destroyed. The self as you know it in orgasm and in the moments leading up to orgasm, disappears. That’s a huge deal. Being able to show someone your loss of control in sexing truly a gift and one of the signs of a good lover.

Thirdly, you give up control to the other person. You have no idea how the other person is going to respond to your requests, your fantasies and in asking for what you want. This is one of the hardest things to do and to overcome the self talk which keeps us from asking for want we want. In my work, this is one of the biggest things that I try to empower my clients to do. Our mind creates stories of how our requests are going to be received and how we are going to be responded to after we make our innermost desires known. In fact, these stories we create around how outcomes will transpire rarely come to reality the way we think they will.

Fourthly, you do things you would never do. All of these dimensions of your personality which you may have kept hidden begin to appear. For instance, everyone has a different set of things that arouse them and you are not completely sure you want them on the front page of the New York Times. You are vulnerable because you are behaving in a way you would never behave in civilized society. Let’s look at 50 shades of grey, the big three trilogy that’s making its way through America which talks about domination and submission (D/S) which is a dimension of sexuality. All sexuality is legitimate. What I think needs a little attention is that if someone fetishizes (fetish + fantasizing) in domination and submission and they only can get aroused through D/S they should probably look at that.

Fifth…there is structural/societal vulnerability. In sexing you are acting in ways that you don’t usually act which are at odds with how you want to protect yourself in this world. Let’s look at the aspect of power in sexuality. In all healthy sexuality there is some dimension of playing with the power differential and role playing. Everyone knows a little slap here and there kind of makes sexuality more exciting…which is true. This is not true in the ego life. What a man and a woman would do in their sexuality would never in a million years do in their rest of their day to day life. “Say you are my whore!” REALLY? We are vulnerable because in sexuality some part of our non-cultured selves appear and play out most of our primal needs and desires, in which plays fear. Nobody wants to appear on national TV playing out a fantasy of being a maid. It’s not a good thing. In sexuality, everyone has a dimension which is unique and private to them, which is so beautiful. This creates enormous vulnerability.

An amazing dance of opening and closing, ego protecting us and also being aware of ego’s grip which allows us to act like there nothing to lose…because there isn’t. If you don’t allow yourself to be completely vulnerable, transparent in your feelings, asking for what you want…how do you think you are you showing up in relationships that matter the most to us? Why are you waiting to be vulnerable?

Outrageous Love Letter

Dear Lover…

Meet me in the wildest place of your dreams…where our dreams meet together to find us in places we could never have imagined…

…me being penetrated by you and you being penetrated by me. We are all the same and we can see what we each bring to each other.

Love LetterThere is no getting lost because we are finding each other in ourselves.

We get lost in our sex and lost in our breath.

There is no other place to be and no desire unexplored.

My tongue explores every crack and crevasse in your body as you welcome and move me to the places you need me in.

I pull your body close to mine as I explore and undulate my thriving vessel of a body onto yours while you bring me to touch the
divine. Leaving me in wonderment of what we can do together.
hand_shadow_image

Our dance ends in the strength and softness of our bodies intertwined.

We hold each other in the beauty we find in each other, as the divine in each other…

…which the world needs so badly…

…to have us in service to each other and to the good of the universe.

Only to see and be with each other in the ultimate highest good which is beauty beyond your belief.

Would you join me there?

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