My Erotic Journey Into The Internet, Once Again…

The long arduous hours of web programming with the intention of hitting a larger audience to ultimately bring people together face to face, to have more fulfilling lives and relationships and, to end suffering. What I’m trying to give doesn’t need a shopping cart because my offerings aren’t products. My offerings and invitations are all the same concepts I study, practice and teach in my own life. We will journey together finding and creating our most unique selves possible which will require individual practices, the sangha and group work.

computer junkyard

As you’ve journeyed your way into Waking Eros through the internet, my intent still remains the same even after many, many hours invested in becoming loving friends with my computer once again…to practice the art of loving well…to give our most unique gifts in becoming the most outrageous lovers we can be in this world….through all of our interactions in all our relationships.

Welcome to Waking Eros 2.0

The Dance of Dominance/Submission and The “Switch”

Dominant to SubmissiveIt’s been too long since I created the time to sit and write my thoughts out. The last half a year has been an intense and incredible time. During this time I’ve witnessed and created many a kinky scene and have learned a lot. There has been lots of my own discomfort being at kink parties where there is alcohol/drug use, and witnessing people engage at a level which has been disturbing for me. I find it important to be able to write about my thoughts with the intention to expose others who are playing in the BSDM/Kink scene to some other possibilities of engagement.

People love to play in the land of dominant and submission. It’s a conversation that has gone on as long as animals have been on the planet. There is always a pack leader, alpha-male and the competition to be on the “top”. We see this played out in the wolf pack, lion’s pride and even in the primate species. We, the human race, are also primates with an increased brain capacity which allow us to better relate to each other from a compassionate and loving place. We are creating intentional power exchanges in our dominant/submission scenes and even in other environments where people are paying to submit to a Pro-Dom.

Most of us usually operate from a more submissive or a more dominant arena in our regular day to day lives, it’s just a natural part of being human. Some of us want to be told what to do and others want to be telling others what to do. Using BDSM and creating a Dominance/Submission “scene” is an amazing opportunity for us to explore the opposing forces where we are not used to living in. There are people out there that claim to be the dominant and others who claim to be the submissive in our relationships and do not “switch” to explore the other side. I want to invite the importance for people to explore the opposite energy in which they would normally operate…especially the people who are taking a position in one way or the other.

Why might this be an important part of our evolution? Am I really in control when I am in the dominant position? Is it important to be able to give up control at certain times? Is there really such a thing as being in control?

One of the biggest gifts we can give to our lovers is for them to witness our complete loss of control. It happens during the ten second expression of our own orgasm, but where else can it happen to an even bigger extent? Our conscious decision to let go of control will never happen if we continue to take and hold a hard, firm position and play the dominant role all the time in our kinky play which is why I want to invite everyone to explore being a “switch”.

Dungeon PlayBy being open to explore the less comfortable side in Dom/Sub play we are opening ourselves up to be diving into places in our lives we rarely, if ever, get to see. We call this our shadow. Resistance to giving up control or taking control can (and will) bring up old history and old stories in our lives which prevented us from embracing the opposing force in our lives. This provides us an incredible opportunity for our own personal growth and developing compassion for the other because we are entering into uncomfortable and unfamiliar places where don’t normally allow ourselves to go.

It’s an amazing time we are all living in right now as we build more awareness in what we are choosing to do with one another and the planet. Let’s make sure we are all treating each other with compassion when we are playing in unfamiliar roles and witnessing someones discomfort by not taking it on personally and thinking there is something wrong. Continue to grow and love each other well through playing the switch in our kinky play!!

Outrageous Love Letter #2

I am yoursThere is no end to our beginning, the pouring sweat and tears is ours, the pleasure is ours.

Not for anyone to own or claim as theirs.

We ride the waves of bliss and the depths of desire unfulfilled as we explore what it might be like exploring each others pleasures.

I surrender my manhood into your woman…as your womanhood becomes my man.

The thoughts of my hands palpitating all the secret places on your body leave me craving more of your being.

I want to find the little treasures which make you scream in ecstasy.

My body craves your touch…please, PLEASE, PLEASE show me the way to find God…

…show me how to surrender into the pure love you bring to me.

You are the path and you are the one who can show me the way…and I will follow you.

Show me the way.

Speaking Your Truth – Without Shame or Blame

How many times have you sat with your thoughts about loving someone, or some negative event regarding someone and were afraid to tell that person because of the fear of being judged, rejected, not being heard or just wanting to avoid the conflict altogether? Coming up with the courage to speak from an open heart, using compassionate communication in order to speak your truth is a big feat for most of us who have not had a lot of practice. My invitation is not to wait to begin to practice.

nonviolent communication principlesWhat does “compassionate communication” really mean? It means not to point the fingers at someone else, blaming them for your feelings. It means not to shame the other person for what they may have done to create those feelings inside of you, communicate your feelings and own them as yours. It means to not get defensive around a certain position you are taking and to express what you may need to support the value/philosophy you believe in. The nonviolent communication process is a great way to learn how not to shame or blame the other for how you feel, take responsibility for your own feelings and be able to communicate them.

Going into the communication process without holding onto ideas of any outcome should also be an important part of the process. When we hold onto a position, specifically, a position that we think is the right or correct position, we destroy the relationship. Being open to possibilities within the realm of communication keeps the relationship in the forefront and not the idea that we have to be right.

How about receiving others’ communication? While I strive for compassionate communication and loving speech, I know I do not hit the mark 100% of the time and neither will other people. Being able to receive others’ difficult communications is also an art, especially when they are failing at compassionate communication and loving speech. This doesn’t mean that you have to accept the blaming, finger pointing or shaming which is coming your way by getting defensive. One way to deal with it is to understand that someone is either communicating with loving speech or showing you where they are hurt when they communicate in a non-compassionate way. Trying to separate the two has helped me sit in the discomfort when I’m receiving someone’s hurt feelings.

Being aware and present to what communication is happening right in the moment leaves us no other alternative than to accept each other and what is going on right then and there. Resisting what is happening in the moment actually prevents change from happening later. Trying to manipulate and change each other is what keeps relationships stuck. We see that happiness and love can appear naturally…so can pain. Part of compassion is being able to allow things to happen on their own terms, despite our preference. What we discover, to our dismay, is that our communication inside intimate relationships are just as mixed and messy as anything out there in the world.

What I am inviting here is the possibility for communication which requires compassion above feelings of comfort or love. This requires a disciplined effort to stay open hearted to the mixed emotions in all of our communications together.
Paulo Neruda Quote

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