This post might be a little long. I’ve been away from my computer for a week and have made some heart-warming connections in the last 10 days with lovely local Thailand folks that I want to write about. I’m currently sitting on a farm located in a town called Yasothon, Thailand, in Issan, Thailand’s largest region. This regions economy is based on agriculture where sticky rice is 60% of what they grow. This is the hot season, yesterday it got to 95F with a low of 63F at night. It gets as hot as 107F come April.
What does it mean “To Give Life” … to be “Live Giving”?
- Having the power of providing sustenance, spirit or life.
- That gives or can give life
- Strengthening; refreshing; inspiring
After a bit of a challenging time in Chiang Mai, Thailand, I sat wondering what might be next for me in this country. I thought I wasn’t having the genuine and authentic experience that I truly wanted inside Thailand like I did with the home-stays family’s in India and Nepal and I was getting myself ready to possibly head to Cambodia. I surrendered into whatever was meant to be for me here in Thailand, whatever it was. Then, something happened…
In the process of trusting the universe (god), and my surrender into whatever is meant to unfold for me being perfect whatever it is, I was invited to visit the home of “Kay”, a personal chef in Bangkok and to visit the family of a new friend Purada, who I now call “Moo Kee Mao” (my Thailand version of Mickey Mouse) in Nakhon Pathom. Both with the intent of having an authentic Thailand experience with food and real people. I have been speaking/SMS messaging with these women for over a month and haven’t been able to connect with them except for a one day visit to Moo at the floating market in Nakhon Pathom the first week I had arrived in Thailand where she proceeded to get sick from all the eathing and activity.
… something for me had shifted.
Back to Bangkok
I made my way to Kay’s home in Bangkok following my time in Chiang Mai. Kay is from Chinese descent and a Muslim woman married for about 30 years with 4 children. When I first arrived, I was invited to sit and have tea and a conversation. The topics took a ride all on their own, from religion to education to relationship to spirituality to family to personal values to love to many many others. Three hours went by and it felt like 10 minutes. It was like I found a long-lost friend or sibling and we were picking up where we left off. Then we realized that we wanted to cook together and began pulling things out of the refrigerator to cook for dinner.
Spending time with Kay was a reminder and confirmation of all who I am in the world being reflected right back to me. And vice versa. That we are to be listening to our hearts, doing good for each other, being of service to humanity and putting life back into others that seem to be struggling with themselves. We were sharing both of our chosen positive world views we each learned from our study and from our personal life experiences as we were holding each other in the highest positive regard. All of our conversations around our beliefs systems included and transcended any religious dogma or faith.
Oh, wait… cooking… that’s right… Kay and I originally began our conversation around matters of cooking. Isn’t that the same thing that cooking does? Cooking brings people together to find commonalities with each other, accepting our differences and seeing the good in each other! Providing each other with life’s sustenance and spiritual truths, helping guide us into enjoying our lives and allowing others do the same. In short… life-giving.
We proceeded to cook the things that were in Kay’s refrigerator… Mackerel, lotus trunk, green papaya salad and grass jelly with corn. Kay’s pantry is filled with all the spices, bottled sauces and everything you may need to cook. We sat and enjoyed dinner together and planned what might me happening in the days to come.
I get a message from Kay a couple of days later after she completed 1000 pieces of baking sausage stuffed buns and banana muffins she was contracted to make for a government funded disability center with 500 beds. She invited me to join her for the day. At first, I was thinking I would take the day to rest after two days of walking around all day in Bangkok. Then Kay invited me a second time. She has such a way with her words that motivated me to get my ass out of bed and get to her place.
I accompanied Kay to Phrapradaeng Protection and Development Home for Persons with Disabilities and witnessed how they treated the people there, the cleanliness of the facility and of course I compared that in my mind to the facilities I have been to in the USA. Even though there are a lot of rules and restrictions in the USA for nursing home / assisted living facilities, I felt this facility was far superior than ones I’ve been to in the USA. For the most part, people working there were happy and wanted to be serving the people living there and you could see that in the vibrancy of the people they were serving. In this part of the world people definitely treat their elders with more dignity and respect than we seem to do in the USA. To Give Life!
We spent the rest of the day going through the markets, so I could ask the questions about items that I have not been able to get answers to. And winding up at IconSiam, a “westernized” mall on the waterfront that showcases the wonderful food and crafts of Thailand. In all honesty, Kay was interested in seeing the high society toilet bidet in the bathrooms at IconSiam and it was a bonus that I was able to see and experience that place.
The following day we had a full day planned of cooking and going to the market for provisions. Some of the problem is that we could just talk for hours and hours and we had to make ourselves stop talking so we could actually get something done. In the meantime, we were able to cook Pad C-U, Pad Thai, Tom Yum, Grilled Beef, Kao Thai Kaoi Kai and Chu-Chee. It was a long day of cooking and everyone got a chance to experience life through nourishment.
Nakhon Pathom
The following day I was on my way to Nakhon Pathom to meet a new friend Moo and her family. After being invited by her to get a tour of the morning market and the floating market a month before, she had invited me to her home for me to be welcomed into her family and have a real Thailand experience and to cook with her ex-husbands mother. As Moo would say… she was willing to do for me.
I arrived in Nakhon Pathom on Friday morning after very little sleep and still a full belly from all the cooking (and eating) the night before. We immediately went through the market to get the raw materials we would need to cook that day. Moo took the day off from work and wanted to be home to be with her 9yr old son and 2yr old daughter. I was really happy, even ecstatic, to be welcomed in to be part of the family.
We spent the rest of the morning walking the land, talking and hammocking, playing with her cute 2yr old and harvesting food from the land to be used to cook with… Banana flower, galanga, lemongrass, taro root, mangos, papaya, guava, jackfruit, kaffir lime, Thai basil and some other leafy greens that I cannot remember the names of. Moo has lived here all 42 years of her life with her family and harvesting from the land. Her parents passed away only a few years ago and she is living there with her sister, her sisters’ friend, her 2 children and her ex-husbands mother.
After dinner we went to a first annual carnival at the Buddhist temple. It was very crowded and extremely loud. I have never heard sound so loud like that before. I wondered why, was it a rave? There were no other white skinned foreigners there that I could find. I had my first taste of freshly friend grasshoppers, crickets and other insects. They had rides for the children with no seatbelts or safety mechanisms or fences to keep people from hitting their heads on the rides spinning around in circles. I told Moo… these Buddhist monks know how to throw a party even if there is no alcohol or drugs there and only gambling and loud music. <smiles> Thailand can be such a contradiction in itself, to me sometimes at least.
We spent the next two days in a regular routine. 6am to the morning market to give food to the monks, to release live fish (Buddhist practice of giving life), drinking coffee and eating breakfast, have morning heart speaks complete with laughter and tears, and provision for the days cooking program. Back home to play with the children and to cook.
The menu over the weekend included Lard Na (Wide Noodles in gravy), Nam Ya (Thai Minced Fish Curry), Khau Tom Mad (Sticky Rice and Thai Bananas wrapped in banana leaf), Nam Prik (Spicy Thai Dipping Sauce), Pad See Ew (Stir Fried Noodles), Pad Kee Mao (Drunken Noodles), Prik Nam Pao (Red Chili Paste), Thai Banana Flower and Pad Kra Pao (Pork and Holy Basil Stir Fry). I will record the recipes and pictures separately from this writing.
Having small children (9-year-old boy and 2-year-old girl) in the house also provided me an opportunity to see another place where “giving life” plays out and how people orient themselves around the children as children represent life’s potential for everyone around them to receive. Children have such a beautiful way of bringing hope, goodness, innocence and simplicity and breathing life into our every day existence. Even if you don’t speak their language.
Being around the elder in a family is also a gift to receive. In the culture here in Asia, the families live together and value the wisdom in their elders. While in the USA we push our children out at age 18 to make a life for themselves and put our elders in nursing homes so parents can get their lives back. Moo’s ex’s mother knew so much about the land and the food produced by the land, is helping with child care, bringing generations of cooking wisdom to me and thriving in her own life doing what she wants to be doing surrounded by the life in her family. It was even wonderful for me to be made fun of and be the source of humor as “the foreigner” who does things differently than them.
It was a wonderful 4 days/3 nights with Moo Kee Mau and her family. I received so much care, kindness, generosity and love from them. As I write this, tears come to my eyes… the impermanence in life… to receive such love and life from complete strangers and then having to leave, say so long, and wondering when we will see each other again as I move along on my journey back to Bangkok and through other countries in Asia and Indonesia.
Yasothon
After such a wonderful time with Kay in Bangkok and feeling like I made a lifelong connection, Kay and her husband Jilly invited me to spend some time on their farm in Yasothon, Thailand, about a 7 hour drive from Bangkok. I had just met Kay who invited me into her home and now was invited to the family’s farm home in the country. We were talking about this in the car. Should I be the one to be nervous and scared? Because I am not. I think we know when people are operating from their hearts. It doesn’t take much time at all to see people’s intent. I feel extremely blessed to have met Kay and Jilly and be invited along with them… even when we do fight over who will pay the bill for the food at the market. <smiles> I need to get more insistent about that.
A message came through that one of their friend’s mother passed away and there is a funeral the following day. I was invited to come along to experience a Buddhist funeral. At first, I wasn’t sure about going. It was a 5hr round trip drive… I wasn’t part of the family… I was a foreigner… I was behind on my writing… I wasn’t getting time by myself… blah blah blah! Kay has a way with her words and I was convinced to go. I was reminded that I asked for a real Thailand experience and here was a chance to see a Buddhist death ritual at a temple in the countryside of Thailand. I’m so glad I went.
So here I sit the following morning feeling the temperature rise into the mid 90’s after a nice sleeping night with temperatures in the mid 60’s and much better air quality than in Bangkok. The three of us cook together, work together, talk about anything and everything under the sun and it is a very peaceful, caring and loving time here.
It’s sometimes hard to believe how the three of us have such differences in our countries and religions of origin and yet we all have extremely similar views of how to live life, extend love and being happy. I’ll spare you all the conversations about god that we have for the time being. I am continually blessed beyond any stretch of my imagination. Being given life is taking on a completely different meaning with the foundation staying the same. (S.M.Q., you’d love this)
Giving life and love is a reciprocating process when done well between people. It is a place where we need to receive what others have to give and not get stuck in only giving or receiving. I needed to allow these people to offer themselves, their lives and homes to me and to just receive them. Letting go of any idea I had in my head of Thailand being “trans-actional”. At the same time, I was giving of my own life and my own life’s experience… providing an opportunity for sharing a different perspective when entering a strangers home, being allowed to purchase the food for all the meals and sharing of myself wherever I could… all the while receiving everyone else’s generous hospitality.
I learned how much I like to give and how I need to allow others to give to me without feeling obligated to do anything in return. If someone (including me) has an issue or hidden agenda in their giving where there is an expectation to receive something back, then it is not truly giving from the heart. I like to call it… Giving from a closed fist.
In conclusion, the giving of life can show up in many different ways. Whether its in the form of sitting with people sharing and giving of ourselves so someone can be free from their suffering. Life giving actions can be in the form of performing service work people who are less privileged than we are. Giving of life can also be in the form of nourishment while we put our hearts and love into our food that other people will consume which will provide them sustenance in life.
Life is a rich journey. Have trust and faith that life is unfolding perfectly for you, not allowing your ego to decide differently and that the universe (god) will provide everything that you need.
What are some of the obstacles that get in your way from trusting and having faith that the universe (god) will provide for you?
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