Life continues to be a learning experience throughout my journey through Thailand. Staying in Northern Thailand for months has taught me a lot and reminded me of some of the basics. Developing trust and loyalty in relationships, whether it’s in business, work, friendship, or love takes time to establish. It doesn’t happen overnight.
There is an established relationship style I wrote about called the “transactional relationship”. This relationship style is predominant here in Thailand. Especially with the quantity of expats and foreigners living here. It is not uncommon for tourists and foreigners to be taken advantage of. But when something happens that is unkind, or bad business practice, what is the recourse, if any, for the people?
Defamation
There is much slander and defamation happening on a verbal level. You can find some reviews in google maps but, not much that you can find online or in social media. There are strict laws here about defamation here in Thailand and you just don’t hear people talking bad things about each other, or businesses, even if they earned those words.
One thing I noticed is there is no such thing as yelp.com here in Thailand. There are strict defamation laws that are in place with severe penalty when someone defames, insults, or threatens the king. I’ve encountered some problems while doing business. People are not apt to even apologize for any error that they may be responsible for.
This is very different than what I experience in Amerikkkah. Every time I check out social media, people are insulting each other, angry about being offended, and criticizing businesses because they didn’t get what they wanted.
Trust / Loyalty
Whether in business or personal relationship, it takes time to establish trust and loyalty to each other. By demonstrating, over time, that we can “walk the talk”, practice what we preach and do what we say. When we have been treated badly, lied to, betrayed many times, developing trust and loyalty can be a difficult thing to establish between people.
What are people’s intentions in business or relationship? Is immediately making money the most important part of the transaction? Or are people’s forward thinking an important part of the process by establishing an ongoing relationship for referrals and growth?
One metaphor I came across is how the trust piggy bank is fed over time. This helps bring out the best in each other and demonstrating that the priority is with the people and not in the exchange or transaction. Establishing reassurance and hope in each other. Unfortunately, that piggy bank which has been built over time can quickly be destroyed by being deceitful, a quick lie, or betrayal. Years of trust building can be wiped out in a moment.
Some Frustration
My lack of patience, knowledge, experience all lends to some of frustration I experience. The human experience and the ego also lend its hand to some of my frustrations. Not to mention our family and relationship history. Wanting things to happen quickly and easily because I “deserve” it, I realize is an entitlement based out of ego.
Whether I am given a motorbike that is in disrepair when I rent it. Make a mistake by purchasing some vegetable without much of my own discernment. Or open myself up to a new friendship or relationship and not think that there will be conflict or even potential dissolution of the connection altogether due to incompatibility or personal differences.
Starting all over again and not having my friends and support system readily available makes some of this adventure difficult. I know I’ve been the black sheep in my family, am outspoken with my criticism… some days it feels like a lonely road. I am not looking for pity or sympathy, only mentioning the reality of the situation.
Trusting the process
I am reminded that I need to trust the process. Maybe even more so here in Thailand. Where building trust in relationships is even more important because of the nature of the transactional culture here and the devastation people have experienced of being hurt by poverty, love and sex.
In as much as I would like to blink my eyes and have some wonderfully established friendships, a wonderful primary care physician, settled into a home with a few creature comforts… all of this will take some time. Cultivating more patience, having my own clear intentions, and trusting the process of it all is a good reminder to attain some of these goals.